This is the best I've read on the BW subject!

Shandy 2.0

God is my pilot
OK, there's been plenty write-ups on the plight of the single black woman. The problems she's having, the problems she's causing, the "crisis" that's going on. and BLAH BLAH BLAH. I am trying to stay away from posting or adding to the already long conversation about the "plight of the single black woman", however, a friend of mine pointed out this article and I just had to share it here, because I agree. It's getting sickening to the point that if Christ himself came down to tell me he has a solution for single black women he wouldn't like what I would tell him. LOL take a read and post your thoughts.

Commentary: Stop Talking About Single Black Ladies
Wednesday, March 3, 2010 | 11:55 AM
by Michele Grant

Michele Grant from Black 'n Bougie reacts to all the sudden attention focused on the single Black woman and her dating life. From relationship gurus to bloggers with an opinion, she declares "enough is enough."

"Stop telling me how I think, what to do, how to look, who to date, when to exhale...I beg of you."

I get it. I really do. Bashing or even borderline bruising Black women is what hot in da streetz. By bashing I mean telling us why we ain't nothing, ain't gonna have nothing, ain't gonna have nobody to share nothing with. Sure, it gets you book deals and blog views and radio shows and talk shows and photo ops and movie deals and basically... paid. I get it. You found a hustle that works and you only have to kick a group of people that are already down to do it.

Oh, you think you're being helpful offering up your "self-help" and "how-to" and "best way" opinions to us? Even those of you that are not directly authoring the yada-yada, do you really think you're helping by adding in your "tsk-tsk" or "co-sign" two cents response to the media swirl about all the problems with the sisterhood? You're not. You are adding to the already cacophonous wall of noise. I respectfully request that right after commenting on this post J... everyone just shut up.

I am talking to celebs and so-called relationship gurus, writers, columnists, bloggers, regular folks talking in the coffee shop, women and men, young and old, Black, White, and everything in between... just STOP.

STOP re-quoting the statistics about successful educated Black women never getting married or having kids. Would you rather we stayed stupid and broke for the sake of a ring? Of course not, so how is reminding us of the statistics going to help? It's just going to make the desperate more desperate and the hopeless less hopeful. I can't see the good in that. Those of us staying optimistic become less so in the face of all the overwhelming evidence. Maybe we will (get married), maybe we won't but the continuous talk of a "crisis" in the community (because of our unmarried state) is just plain mean.


STOP telling me how to look to catch a man. No, it's not my weight. I've been everything from a size 8 to a 22 and back again and had a man at every one of those sizes. No, it's not my hair, I've been straight, kinky, wavy, weaved, pony-tailed and darn near bald... had a man at every step of the way there, too. For every so-called flawless woman with a ring, I can name two so-called flawless women without one. Oh, magazines--this is for you, too. Stop telling us that this lipstick, that high-heeled boot, that pencil skirt is the thing we MUST own to snare Mr. Right.


STOP telling me to date (or not to date) White men. All of you. Seriously. I'll date that blue dude from "Avatar" if I freakin' want to. People dating the rainbow coalition, good for you. People only attracted to a certain type, good for you. People who have given up on one type and are looking for another type to swoop in and save them, good luck with that. Either way, I'm tired of hearing about it.

STOP looking for someone to blame. It's not that all Black women are mean or picky or high-maintenance--GTFOH with that. It's not that all Black men are trifling or thuggish or under-employed--that's bullshiggity, too. All the Black men are not in jail, all the sisters aren't expecting "too much"--those are cop out answers. I'm sure every woman who is single could sit down and point to a variety of reasons (good, bad and in-between) why they are that way today. Each story is an individual one both personal and unique to the person telling it. Let them own that story, quit painting with the broad strokes... 


STOP acting like we are either sitting around waiting to exhale or are gasping our last breath surrounded by 20 cats. Can we not be vibrant, complete individuals regardless of relationship status? And this goes for you too other sisters... stop giving us the "I'm so sad for you" look because you have a man and we don't (at the moment). This just makes us angry and less sympathetic should things not work out between you and your boo. We don't need sympathy, just a little support and a smile. Please and thank you in advance. 


STOP acting like my brains are a detriment. I shall not be dumbing it down for the cause of snaring a man. Nor will I emasculate him by pointing out all the stuff I may know that he doesn't. Not everybody can match my Scrabble game... I'm evil with it, son... evil. Don't come at me with the Trivial Pursuit either... moving on. This whole concept of acting like I'm less than I am to make a man feel like more than he is... that's crap. That means we are not a fit. Onto the next... hopefully. 


STOP judging me because I have standards. Not prejudices... standards. Sure I would date the UPS man if we found each other attractive and interesting. But the UPS man who has four kids, four baby mamas, two parole officers and a habit of blowing his paycheck on a great batch of chronic... hell no. That doesn't make me snobby or bougie, that makes me self-aware of my own code of values, tolerance and limitations. 


STOP assuming we all want Barack ambition, Denzel smile, LL Cool J body, Kanye swagger, LeBron money and Idris vibe. I mean, that's nice and all but we know expecting one dude to have all of that wrapped up in one package is ridiculosity of the highest order. Most of us would be happy with someone we can trust, laugh with, talk to and ride out a crisis with your mutual affection and admiration still intact. We'll start with that every day of the week. 


STOP telling us that you (and you alone) have the answer (the fix, the cure!). You don't or we wouldn't still be talking about it. And by the way, if your answer involves me becoming a completely different person than I am, you may keep that. Don't start with the argument that clearly what I've done up to now hasn't worked... er, uh--I know. You throwing Hallmark-style affirmations my way (packaged as a book of "get a man gospel") is useless and kinda slimy. 


STOP helping. Really, stop offering up opinions and concern and editorials. Especially if your own relationship history is kinda suspect. I wouldn't take boat-steering advice from the Exxon Valdez captain or fact-checking advice from Jayson Blair... just sayin'.

Check out Michele Grant's new novel "Heard It All Before" (Kensington Books).


Read more: Commentary: Stop Talking About Single Black Ladies - Essence.com
 
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MÉCHANT LOUP

Cervical Cancer
OK, there's been plenty write-ups on the plight of the single black woman. The problems she's having, the problems she's causing, the "crisis" that's going on. and BLAH BLAH BLAH. I am trying to stay away from posting or adding to the already long conversation about the "plight of the single black woman", however, a friend of mine pointed out this article and I just had to share it here, because I agree. It's getting sickening to the point that if Christ himself came down to tell me he has a solution for single black women he wouldn't like what I would tell him. LOL take a read and post your thoughts.

"cacophonous wall of noise"


jesus christ...

the irony.
 

Shandy 2.0

God is my pilot
sounds like an angry black woman :pardon:
Well I guess the interpretation is up to the individual based on mindset. I think she's annoyed, and I can't blame her. Can't people show annoyance without the "angry black whoever" label? Bago20 showed annoyance at one of these threads the other day and I was nodding in agreement.
 

Jahpikne

Happiness Consultant
Well I guess the interpretation is up to the individual based on mindset. I think she's annoyed, and I can't blame her. Can't people show annoyance without the "angry black whoever" label? Bago20 showed annoyance at one of these threads the other day and I was nodding in agreement.
Well those angry black women choose to get annoyed by Babylon and they media. They watch stupid shows like Housewives and Badgirls club then wonder why the stereotypes exist. When they the ones feeding into it SMH
 

Yankee Doodle

Weakness fuh Sweetness
She is "trying" to say "leave us de fack alone". "Let me do me".

In other words, there's no right or wrong way for people to be/live so long as others not getting hurt.
 

Cimo 2

KingBea...
*reads comments*

*doesn't bother to reply anymore*


whatever guys. *smh*

O.k. Sorry. But the article got redundant (ironic I know). But this is what Black men went through for a long time, and are still going through similar circumstances. I get it, but the amount of Black men not this and that we would get not just from formulized articles, but music, general populace, created an aatmospheric ambeinet pressure that was palpable and ridiculus. Things like that went a long way in manufactoring the precieved arrogance of todays black man.

Shandy 2.0 I feel the sister, but it is just the ebb and flow of discourse. But instead of looking at them as racial decree's, we could look at them as very clumsy PSA's.

I've said before, WE can't do it without each other. and more than we let on in here we will support you whatever you do. Your our sisters and mothers, cousins and aunts.

We Love yall.
 

Fiyah

Registered User
O.k. Sorry. But the article got redundant (ironic I know). But this is what Black men went through for a long time, and are still going through similar circumstances. I get it, but the amount of Black men not this and that we would get not just from formulized articles, but music, general populace, created an aatmospheric ambeinet pressure that was palpable and ridiculus. Things like that went a long way in manufactoring the precieved arrogance of todays black man.

Shandy 2.0 I feel the sister, but it is just the ebb and flow of discourse. But instead of looking at them as racial decree's, we could look at them as very clumsy PSA's.

I've said before, WE can't do it without each other. and more than we let on in here we will support you whatever you do. Your our sisters and mothers, cousins and aunts.

We Love yall.
*sheds tear*
 
L

Links30

Guest
OK, there's been plenty write-ups on the plight of the single black woman. The problems she's having, the problems she's causing, the "crisis" that's going on. and BLAH BLAH BLAH. I am trying to stay away from posting or adding to the already long conversation about the "plight of the single black woman", however, a friend of mine pointed out this article and I just had to share it here, because I agree. It's getting sickening to the point that if Christ himself came down to tell me he has a solution for single black women he wouldn't like what I would tell him. LOL take a read and post your thoughts.
What i got from this article is that she wants this topic to just fall off the map of the earth n no one should speak about it.I understand where she's coming from where she have made some valid points, but at the same time i didn't hear much mention of coming up with a solution. In some cases she even question the advice of those who are so call relationship experts n that too is understandable, but beyond anything else, its nothing more but rambling of words begging to put a stop to so much focus towards the black woman.


I think that is not going to happen anytime soon because many black men have been complaining about this very same thing when the focus is always on us and is still on us. Now that the shoe is on the other foot, it doesn't feel so nice does it? Anyway she does sound that she's trying to sound controversial in order to sell her book and in all honesty, i think the average person who is genuinely fed up of what is going on can very much form the same kind of opinions and cons about this issue.

It ent nothing that i've heard before and is more than likely would not hear the last of so i'll save my $8.99 for something else like Lotto tickets instead of buying this book.
 

Minxy

New member
Well those angry black women choose to get annoyed by Babylon and they media. They watch stupid shows like Housewives and Badgirls club then wonder why the stereotypes exist. When they the ones feeding into it SMH
its more than that dude...u guys just don't get it huh?? U say that black women are this and that...i mean how do you think they became this way?? U guys judge so much on appearance and tell them with a look that their natural beauty isn't enough...then frown on them when they use enhancements...what is it that allyuh really want...ever take that into consideration?? U want a stress free life with a woman that will cook and clean and fuk u on demand and then when demands are made on u, u want to throw a tantrum and say, "i doh need this shit" Well u know what, they don't need ur asses like allyuh need a woman, they want u! ...not U persay, black men that talk all that shit..
 

Jahpikne

Happiness Consultant
its more than that dude...u guys just don't get it huh?? U say that black women are this and that...i mean how do you think they became this way?? U guys judge so much on appearance and tell them with a look that their natural beauty isn't enough...then frown on them when they use enhancements...what is it that allyuh really want...ever take that into consideration?? U want a stress free life with a woman that will cook and clean and fuk u on demand and then when demands are made on u, u want to throw a tantrum and say, "i doh need this shit" Well u know what, they don't need ur asses like allyuh need a woman, they want u! ...not U persay, black men that talk all that shit..
That's why I keep my prerequisites simple then we negotiate on everything else :D
 

Minxy

New member
That's why I keep my prerequisites simple then we negotiate on everything else :D
Yes, but too many black men don't...u know, they make black women feel like they think they all this and that, but its because they get put down so much...this guy in our circle,, he loves to snatch me by my hair and yell, "real hair!!" At parties, in the club,,,that shit makes me so mad, i can't imagine how the black girls feel, and automatically, now i get the looks like, "Hmpf, she think she all that"...but its not me making them feel that way, its the men, like somehow im better than them cause i have long hair?? Gimme a break
 
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