If you had........

Alpha Unit

Insurgent
All the necessary resources would you take on the responsibility of raising foster kids? I know there is a financial component to it but let's imagine not having any need for it. Why or why not?


For those who admittedly do not like or want children of your own, no need to participate.
 

jamaicangirl

Boonoonoonoos
I would prefer to adopt. I can't borrow someone's kid and then give it back or pass it on to someone else like it was a puppy.

The foster care system means well but I have encountered children who pass through many (>20) families and that can't be good for anyone.
 

Alpha Unit

Insurgent
I would prefer to adopt. I can't borrow someone's kid and then give it back or pass it on to someone else like it was a puppy.

The foster care system means well but I have encountered children who pass through many (>20) families and that can't be good for anyone.
Foster system certainly needs improvement. I know a few in high positions here in NYC working to effect improvements but it moves at such a snails pace. Those kids have it rough a lot of times tho. I would do it, if for no other reason simply to try and help these kids to have at least one non-horror story about the experience.

Part of the reason many kids move around so much is because of people who are in.it just for a check. When the kids complain or evaluation finds them lacking children get moved. What bothers me though is that unless there is a conviction for wrongdoing related to the care of these children, these same people stay in the system. This ensures that other children will make pit stops there thus continuing that terrible cycle.
 

Poca

Registered User
Yes

From my experience I know that there is a lot to improve when it comes to youth protection and foster care system. One of the reason these kids move around from families to families is because their "status" are often never clear. They are often caught in between their bio parents inability to take care of them and the system waiting for their parents to show improvement. During that time, they are put in setting where the goal is to give them primary care without building and real and natural bond with them. Both them and the foster families know that at any point they can be taken away. Obviously such uncertainty creates great emotional difficulties and imbalance in those kids who in turn can exteriorize their frustration in very violent and disruptive manners.
 

ladyrastafari

Notchilous
not sure.. i have a friend who did it.. and shockingly, she said neverrrrrrrrrrr again... i think i would prefer to adopt, like jamaicangirl says cos sometimes the scars and issues that these kids have had to deal with are greater than the ability to cope with them... and unless you get a very young, malleable foster kid, it's a lot..
 

dollbabi

Earth Angel
I prefer to adopt but have given it some consideration. I love children and also know people whose lives were changed for the better due to great foster parents. If we can do that for a child, it would be great.
 

Alpha Unit

Insurgent
not sure.. i have a friend who did it.. and shockingly, she said neverrrrrrrrrrr again... i think i would prefer to adopt, like jamaicangirl says cos sometimes the scars and issues that these kids have had to deal with are greater than the ability to cope with them... and unless you get a very young, malleable foster kid, it's a lot..
Getting them young is key to me doing it if I had the right resources. The older they are the more jaded they will likely be by all that they've experienced. i wouldn't want to have to deal with running away and bad attitude. Not my speed at all.

I prefer to adopt but have given it some consideration. I love children and also know people whose lives were changed for the better due to great foster parents. If we can do that for a child, it would be great.
I have a friend that does it and they are truly a class act with how they handle these kids. they've only had girls so far but they plan on getting boys after the last 2 here are off. My boy plans on teaching them his trades and taking them out and calls so that at minimum he arms them with a tool or at least an idea that can help them in the future should they need it.
 

dollbabi

Earth Angel
I have a friend that does it and they are truly a class act with how they handle these kids. they've only had girls so far but they plan on getting boys after the last 2 here are off. My boy plans on teaching them his trades and taking them out and calls so that at minimum he arms them with a tool or at least an idea that can help them in the future should they need it.
That's awesome. It not only gives them something invaluable to take with them but his endeavors to teach them also tells them so many positive things about themselves. They are worth taking the time to teach, worth speaking time with, capable of accomplishing feats...messages that have not been sent to so many of these children. Are you considering foster care?

Honestly, we had a very negative experience when we spent last Christmas with a family where the mother had a foster child. The child was very sweet and bright, but the mother was very wicked to her. We had to leave...thankfully, the child was taken away soon after. Someone complained. It sort of made me feel like we should try to give a child a positive home life. Right now, it's just not feasible though...
 

Taj

Loyalty to Loyalty
I would like to think I would, but it feels like buying shoes. I would want the situation to progress towards permanent and depending on the age it would feel rotten to 'test someone out' to see if its a good fit then return them if it isn't.

Kinda touchy
But then sometimes when you volunteer the contact hours you have sometimes you feel its not enough to make a difference or undo what they experience in their primary environment.

hmmm all in all I probably couldn't do foster care
 

Alpha Unit

Insurgent
That's awesome. It not only gives them something invaluable to take with them but his endeavors to teach them also tells them so many positive things about themselves. They are worth taking the time to teach, worth speaking time with, capable of accomplishing feats...messages that have not been sent to so many of these children. Are you considering foster care?

Honestly, we had a very negative experience when we spent last Christmas with a family where the mother had a foster child. The child was very sweet and bright, but the mother was very wicked to her. We had to leave...thankfully, the child was taken away soon after. Someone complained. It sort of made me feel like we should try to give a child a positive home life. Right now, it's just not feasible though...
I does really fell bad when I hear what some of these kids go through. I hate the idea that so many people simply see it as a money making tool and thus just take on kids while not doing anything more than providing a roof and feeding them.
 

dollbabi

Earth Angel
I does really fell bad when I hear what some of these kids go through. I hate the idea that so many people simply see it as a money making tool and thus just take on kids while not doing anything more than providing a roof and feeding them.
A lot of people out there are terrible. I understand that the system is likely overburdened, but it is disturbing to see the types of homes in which many of these children are placed. Too many go from parental abuse in their biological family to abuse by foster parents/complete strangers.
 

ladyrastafari

Notchilous
i hate to see people mistreat children.. that irritates me.. just on Saturday, i went to an event and the woman who was trying to clean up the event space (she was with the space not the people having the event)... she snatched the balloons from the kids and threw them away.. so then i guess the kids retrieved them and she grabbed them away and popped the balloons..so i approached her and told her that her behaviour and attitude was unnecessary and unappreciated because its not like the balloons were lying around and she picked them up and disposed of them.... there are lots of kids here, why would you be popping balloons, especially within earshot of a newborn!!! .. smh..
 

Alpha Unit

Insurgent
i hate to see people mistreat children.. that irritates me.. just on Saturday, i went to an event and the woman who was trying to clean up the event space (she was with the space not the people having the event)... she snatched the balloons from the kids and threw them away.. so then i guess the kids retrieved them and she grabbed them away and popped the balloons..so i approached her and told her that her behaviour and attitude was unnecessary and unappreciated because its not like the balloons were lying around and she picked them up and disposed of them.... there are lots of kids here, why would you be popping balloons, especially within earshot of a newborn!!! .. smh..
Sounds like someone who probably doesn't like children.
 

LB

Peace Love n Pretty Tings
I does really fell bad when I hear what some of these kids go through. I hate the idea that so many people simply see it as a money making tool and thus just take on kids while not doing anything more than providing a roof and feeding them.
This shocked me when I got older and realized this was so often the case. I really like kids so it was hard for me to fathom that ppl would do this just for the money when so many kids are damaged in their own way in the system.

Ironically that is what would make me hesitate to do it because it wouldnt be about the money for me but how much emotional availability I would have to devote to kids who I think would benefit from the extra attention and patience.
 

ladyrastafari

Notchilous
yea, it looked like she didnt like kids.. they set up the reception to be inclusive of kids since the couple had kids.. and she was sooooooooooooooo nasty.. then when she tried.. emphasis on tried.. to give me lip.. i said to her, maybe you should dial back the attitude and at least attempt to hide your disgust for children and replace it with some professionalism.. please. and just walked away.. she guff up but i gave her that no nonsense look like " i wish you would" lol... smh..it seemed like she really did hate kids. .. cos she really seemed to think that nobody saw her yelling at them..
 

BacchanalDiva

Registered User
I would prefer to adopt. I can't borrow someone's kid and then give it back or pass it on to someone else like it was a puppy.

The foster care system means well but I have encountered children who pass through many (>20) families and that can't be good for anyone.
Exactly how I feel. We actually made the decision to adopt a couple years ago and I should have moved faster cause I procrastinated on getting the ball rolling and gave the mister time to rethink and change his mind.

If I fostered it would have to be a situation where I could adopt later like a woman I know who ended up adopting all 3 of her foster kids (they were sisters and a brother).
 

BacchanalDiva

Registered User
Foster system certainly needs improvement. I know a few in high positions here in NYC working to effect improvements but it moves at such a snails pace. Those kids have it rough a lot of times tho. I would do it, if for no other reason simply to try and help these kids to have at least one non-horror story about the experience.

Part of the reason many kids move around so much is because of people who are in.it just for a check. When the kids complain or evaluation finds them lacking children get moved. What bothers me though is that unless there is a conviction for wrongdoing related to the care of these children, these same people stay in the system. This ensures that other children will make pit stops there thus continuing that terrible cycle.
This is true. I worked for a "therapeutic campus" that had mostly kids from NYC and remember this one 7 yr old who was molested by his 12 yr old foster sister and became a predator himself..crazy thing is other kids came through that had been placed at the same house with the same 12yr old.

Are you thinking of becoming a foster parent?
 
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