Help me understand pls.

Poca

Registered User
My cousin is having some existential issues. Her mother cheated on her father some years ago and they got divorced. They never had a happy marriage. She didn't want kid and she always made it clear that when my cousin reaches 18 yrs old she would leave. So she divorced when my cousin was in university. She went to live with her father (my uncle) because her mother is quite a character.

anyway, some years ago my uncle started to date this younger lady (he is about 52-55 and she is i suppose around 35 but not 40 yet). My cousin was really upset about that because she considered that he was told old for the lady. Anyway, my uncle moved to the states to be with her and they are now married with a baby boy who was born earlier in 2012. Now my cousin is really upset because she thinks that her father is foolish, she doesn't like the fact that he has a kid that old. We were all in Florida the passed W/E for a family function and she absolutely refused to see the child.

personally, I don't understand her reaction at all because her father have been with that lady for a good 5 yrs now and he seems to be happy with her. She is definitely a much more nicer person than my uncle's ex-wife. The thing that apparently bugs my cousin the most is that she feels like her father imposed that decision on her without taking her feeling into consideration. I tried to explain to her that she has no say in those kinds of decisions specially when it seems to be working out.

her father has really tried all kind of things to make it up to her because he is really a "papa gateau" but she refuses to be happy for him. Now my uncle told her to either change her attitude or he won't be part of her life anymore and she is blaming his wife and new baby without questioning her behavior. The odd thing in this whole story is that she is very nice to her mother who had been very clear from the get go and throughout her life that she will put herself first before any husband or child.

I really don't see why she is upset still...
 

MÉCHANT LOUP

Cervical Cancer
I have an adolescent child, if she becomes of a GROWN age and is Unhappy with a decision or possible choice I will make. I will consider her feelings, she is my child...my happiness is equally rooted in the ones that I love. If she is not happy, there is little possibility that I could be happy while she is unhappy. When u decide to have children, u decide to always consider another before urself. Same goes with getting married and having a spouse.

Your Uncle needs to make peace with his daughter, she was there before he had choices to consider....and, she will always be there. If you take in consideration, his Ex-Wife...He has always been a man to make improper decisions, and this is another situation to add to the tally.
 

dollbabi

Earth Angel
Not completely sure but...

Your cousin may feel like she alone should be the center of her father's world perhaps because of all that she has endured due to the divorce, including any events leading up to the divorce. She's being quite selfish and not considering her father's well-being as he grows older. And how old is your cousin? Maybe there are some dynamics between her and her father that are unknown to others though.
 
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Nica

SAINTSational
I see selfishness on your cousin's part.

While her dad should consider her happiness, he must also take care of his need for the type of love that he cannot get from his daughter. And she has to understand that. Her parents are divorced and has both moved on. She seems to be fine with her mom, who from the story seems t be the one who "broke up" the family.

Father and daughter needs to have a sit down and address their feelings openly ASAP. They might need to do that with a therapist because your cousin has some deep rooted issues that needs to be brought to light.
 

Poca

Registered User
she is 32 yrs old and is definitely a very selfish person. Much like her mother but she is not demeaning to others only towards her father. I like my uncle very much and I relate to him even more than I relate to my father (his younger brother). Like me he is not a malicious person and like to when things are stress free. So I do know that I am biased when it comes to his relationship with his daughter. But I strongly believe that at 32 yrs old she should try to be happy for her father and accept his decision. When he was younger he had a daughter before his marriage and because my cousin really did not accept the news he decided not to be part of that kid's life. I think that he is very wrong for giving my cousin that much veto power on his life. I know that if it was me, i would have told her long ago to get with the program or goodbye.
 

mz_JazE

Southern Belle
Okay your cousin comes off as selfish, but now that you say that she's 32 I can see a little bit of a problem since her and the new wife are similar in age (you said the woman is in between 35-40). I will say her and the father need to address the issue because she might feel as if he's trying to replace her with his new family. This is coming from someone who is an only child.
 

Poca

Registered User
I just feel that she is giving him a hard time because she knows that he will most likely never drop her and cut all ties with her.
 
B

Black Madonna

Guest
32 fukking yrs old? she need to get a man and leff fih she fadda alone. clearly she noh have none. big ole woman with fukking daddy issues. *steupse* tell di hag fine ah man, breed and leff pipple business
 

bhalistix

It is I
Some things just can be explain people are just weird. Maybe she see her STEPMOTHER (because of closeness in age) as a direct rival for her fathers attention. Throw the kid into the mix and now she has to divide her dad, whoe attention she has had exclusively for most of her life, with 2 other people. Some people just look at every situation through selfish eyes.
 

Alpha Unit

Insurgent
32 fukking yrs old? she need to get a man and leff fih she fadda alone. clearly she noh have none. big ole woman with fukking daddy issues. *steupse* tell di hag fine ah man, breed and leff pipple business
not as diplomatic as I might have stated but I fully agree lol
 
B

Black Madonna

Guest
not as diplomatic as I might have stated but I fully agree lol

lol. I only put it that way to highlight the ridiculousness of it knowing that she 32. if I put it in a nice way. people woulda pass it over and not understand how silly the girl is being. and will really try to rationalize this nonsense like folks in here doing.
 

Taj

Loyalty to Loyalty
My cousin is having some existential issues. Her mother cheated on her father some years ago and they got divorced. They never had a happy marriage. She didn't want kid and she always made it clear that when my cousin reaches 18 yrs old she would leave. So she divorced when my cousin was in university. She went to live with her father (my uncle) because her mother is quite a character.

anyway, some years ago my uncle started to date this younger lady (he is about 52-55 and she is i suppose around 35 but not 40 yet). My cousin was really upset about that because she considered that he was told old for the lady. Anyway, my uncle moved to the states to be with her and they are now married with a baby boy who was born earlier in 2012. Now my cousin is really upset because she thinks that her father is foolish, she doesn't like the fact that he has a kid that old. We were all in Florida the passed W/E for a family function and she absolutely refused to see the child.

personally, I don't understand her reaction at all because her father have been with that lady for a good 5 yrs now and he seems to be happy with her. She is definitely a much more nicer person than my uncle's ex-wife. The thing that apparently bugs my cousin the most is that she feels like her father imposed that decision on her without taking her feeling into consideration. I tried to explain to her that she has no say in those kinds of decisions specially when it seems to be working out.

her father has really tried all kind of things to make it up to her because he is really a "papa gateau" but she refuses to be happy for him. Now my uncle told her to either change her attitude or he won't be part of her life anymore and she is blaming his wife and new baby without questioning her behavior. The odd thing in this whole story is that she is very nice to her mother who had been very clear from the get go and throughout her life that she will put herself first before any husband or child.

I really don't see why she is upset still...
Hmmm so you start it so you finish it.
I'm sure she remembers her banishing that previous sibling from her father life and she's just thinking the same is gonna happen to her... Add to the fact he now lives in a different country. Basically as she sees it she have no father and pretending to make nice with her bytch mother.
Too bad she isn't secure in the bond she has with her dad.

it seems like dad finally trying to live for himself but past mistakes still haunting him

Poca could you break down papa-gateau... you mean he's a dad that spoils u
 

Poca

Registered User
BM I agree 100%. I was listening to her yesterday trying to reason and make her understand that she really do big have a say in those kinds of decisions. And I told her that if she really cared for her father and his happiness, she would try to see the situation from his point of view and understand the joy that it all bring him.

I think that her behavior is something that I would have expected from a teen not for someone who is 32.


And Taj you may be right! But I don't think that it's normal for some 32 yrs old person to hold on to her father like that to the point of destroying his peace. I know that I can be selfish at times but I do know when to let go and move on. I feel bad for my uncle and I told him, let her be and it won't be long for her to get to her senses but unlike me, he cannot close those doors easily.

Also a papa gateau is a father who can't say no to his kids, specially to his daughters.


Hmmm so you start it so you finish it.
I'm sure she remembers her banishing that previous sibling from her father life and she's just thinking the same is gonna happen to her... Add to the fact he now lives in a different country. Basically as she sees it she have no father and pretending to make nice with her bytch mother.
Too bad she isn't secure in the bond she has with her dad.

it seems like dad finally trying to live for himself but past mistakes still haunting him

Poca could you break down papa-gateau... you mean he's a dad that spoils u
 
I think she is afraid that this new kid would get the childhood experience she yearned for but never received. Also, it seems like she is not too pleased with her own life at this point, guessing that she is single so she has a good bit of free time to mingle in the business of others.

sometimes we focus on things, but that may not even be the genesis of her discontent. she may need some therapy.
 

Taj

Loyalty to Loyalty
BM I agree 100%. I was listening to her yesterday trying to reason and make her understand that she really do big have a say in those kinds of decisions. And I told her that if she really cared for her father and his happiness, she would try to see the situation from his point of view and understand the joy that it all bring him.

I think that her behavior is something that I would have expected from a teen not for someone who is 32.


And Taj you may be right! But I don't think that it's normal for some 32 yrs old person to hold on to her father like that to the point of destroying his peace. I know that I can be selfish at times but I do know when to let go and move on. I feel bad for my uncle and I told him, let her be and it won't be long for her to get to her senses but unlike me, he cannot close those doors easily.

Also a papa gateau is a father who can't say no to his kids, specially to his daughters.
agreed but she has issues

do u get along with ur dad?
r u an only child?
did u have a disinterested mother?
 

Poca

Registered User
If I get along with my father? I will say that he has learned to accept my views. So yes I get along with him because saw that it's more beneficial for him to keep contact with me than not.

Yes I am an only child for my father. For my bio mother no, but I do consider myself as on only child.

I don't think that none of my parents were disinterested. Actually, I feel like I was the one who has always been disinterested in them bio family or not. I have the innate ability to let people be and replace them with others who are more beneficial to me at that time being. I know some will gasp and think that it's mean but I believe that we all have the ability to do it too.


I'm curious as to why you asked me those questions.



agreed but she has issues

do u get along with ur dad?
r u an only child?
did u have a disinterested mother?
 

ladyrastafari

Notchilous
so let me get this straight.. the MOTHER cheated on the FATHER, planned to dip out on your cousin when she got legal, and she is going hard against the father who has been able to find love and comfort again???

Personally I think your cousin sounds a bit selfish and overly dramatic.. her father neglected another daughter before her, because of her and now she wants him to do the same with his new child with this new woman? At 32, she should be trying to get herself a family and stop trying to ruin the one her father is trying to build... She probably does see the new wife as a rival due to their closeness in age.. and a new baby brings joy, that she at 32, can no longer provide... Her dad needs to sit down with her and let her know that he is in charge of HIS life and she is in charge of HERS... his decisions when she was an adult have nothing to do with her and she needs to grow up and stop acting like a petulant child... she has to take responsibility for her feelings, and deal with her issues rather than projecting them unto her parents... issues? get therapy! the end.
 

Taj

Loyalty to Loyalty
If I get along with my father? I will say that he has learned to accept my views. So yes I get along with him because saw that it's more beneficial for him to keep contact with me than not.

Yes I am an only child for my father. For my bio mother no, but I do consider myself as on only child.

I don't think that none of my parents were disinterested. Actually, I feel like I was the one who has always been disinterested in them bio family or not. I have the innate ability to let people be and replace them with others who are more beneficial to me at that time being. I know some will gasp and think that it's mean but I believe that we all have the ability to do it too.


I'm curious as to why you asked me those questions.
cos i suspected these answers and thats why you wouldn't see where she's coming from - nothing wrong with that but it just explains it.

you are cordial with your dad but wouldn't miss him - compare that to her rel. with her dad.

her mother was a disinterested or selfish mother she probably realized nothing she could do could make her mother care more or sacrifice for her so she's just left with the dad and doesn't have your ability to refocus and that how she end up where she's at.
 
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