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what is allyuh take on these two topics can they work together?Can u push independent women and family values at the same time? If yes then how?
And if no then there might be a problem.

Interesting enuff..I find myself having this convo with most of my lady friends. I think it can work if the woman has deep rooted family values and ultimately wants her own family in the future. At the same time, its 2005..not 1955. Times are different and families cost a lot more to mind than back when my parents and grandparents were coming up.

The problem lies when women are more focused on their careers rather than family. The mentality, personality, and way of life of a career woman and a mother are two different entities. If a woman does not have the urge to become a mother...u can forget about it. I've realised that a lot of career oriented women are usually those who were raised by single mothers who adopt the wonderwoman attitude..usually not takin shit from anyone..moreso a "wutless fella" Also they saw what their mothers went thru...and dont wanna deal with that stress themselves.

Some family women come from healthy two parent households and have family values...others don't, and want to develop that for themselves and want a family.

I guess in order to make it wukk..she has to have it or want it in her.

* family man sits and waits for other views*

what is your definition of family values?

Yes they can!

Just because you are independent woman that doesn't mean that you can't foster family values.

Being independent has nothing to do with understanding family values. To me being independent means that you are self-sufficient and that there is an understanding that in order to get what you want you personally have to work for it and not wait for someone to give it to you. It's nice to know that what you have you got for yourself. Everyone needs help sometimes, there are times when everyone needs someone at some point in their lives; recognizing that is a part of growing as person.

But I guess some of us are guilty of taking the "independent woman" thing to a new and exorbitant level. But I think in most cases of that happening it's more of a defense mechanism than anything else...the woman saw her mother hurt by her father so she decides that she is not going to let any man do that to her, or she herself was hurt by a man. It's alot easier to just put that block in place than to open up...

Now to tie that in with transmission of family values...For instance, if there is a child involved and the father chooses not to be an active participant in the child's life, that independent woman thing can get kicked into over-drive and they may not be able to foster a traditional sense of that. It's kind of easy for a child to not understand the dynamic of a mother-father, man-woman family type ting, but there are still male family members that could be there for the child. Eventually the woman could get involved in another relationship and the child could see the way that a nuclear family unit is to function, or even through aunts and uncles grandparents yada yada...I think that family values can be shown through just keeping the family together like making sure that the kid knows their family and is around them and grows up knowing about the family...


I think the key is just to not let the whole "I don't need anyone" thing get too out of hand...

Did I just make any sense?

Sure you did. By the way ... the money you asked me for is in the mail.

i know u lookin to get cuss lol

...anyway i think both can happen plain and simple..
for years women, moreless black women have juggled both raising families and jobs...so why the sudden interest from society that they cant
theres a time and place for everything..a woman focused on her career may have children later than others but the does not mean she has no desire and if she doesnt its her biz ..plain and simple llol

now ...dont dwell on the term independent women either..
i hate when ppl refer to woman who decided to make someting outta themselves, either academically, professionally, or whteva..anything that would counteract with the society's outlook on woman........as an independent woman....which most times comes with negative responses (see skoolboys post lol)

so to answer ur question...
yes all can be done at the same time..
if u ask me...more financial stability in that family..

but at what cost?

Exactly my point.. Family takes time and money to build in 2k5 and beyond. I'd rather any woman focus on their career first..then the family after..instead of keeping the cycle of broke families in motion.

The whole independent woman movement sems to be blown outta proportion a lil and the majority of woman hollaring ind. this and that..give the hard working respectable women a bad rap.

no cost whtsoeva ..or rather the same cost if any a "non career-focused woman" would have.

the way i see it ..2 good incomes or 1 solid income equals more opportunites and resources for both u and ur kids.

and yes, u are gonna have time to spend with ur kids, u will be able to take time off (now men have maternal leave), do vacations and all the good stuff a mommy's suppose to do.

i just think they way thinks are goin ...prime eg. bush and his social security plan..no woman should b sittin on her butt waitin for a man to bring home 'their' cheque...

Agreed definately.

Believe it or not my outlook on this topic has changed over the years. I have always been a very independent PERSON. Like Skoolboy said a lot of us grew up in single parent households and independence was thrown at us at a very young age. I was waking myself up, making my own breakfast, dressing myself for school and going to catch the schoolbus on my own since I was 8 because my mom started work really early. I had no choice but to become independent.

This continued for most of my life and I can say now that I am a grown woman I wanna be LESS independant. I would love to have someone to help and assist me in everyday life. The superwoman role is getting tired as far as I'm conncerned. Its one thing when you make a conscious choice to be independent, but when its thrust on you from a young age it can be draining on you.

As far as career goes, used to think I wanted one. I spent years in college doing what every "intelligent" career driven woman is supposed to do. NOw that I'm older I woulld love nothing more than to have a family and be a stay at home mother. People underestimate how important a parental presence is in kid's lives. I know how important it is from my own life experiences. Ya a 2 income household maay have more "things" or "resources" but I don't really think they can substitute for having a parent who is a constant presence. Just my insignificant

Tali go respond juss now!

See I can buy this...'cause the longer I'm in the workforce, the more staying at home and raising the children appear more appealing...not that raising kids is an easy job, 'cause I don't believe it is...but I don't know if there is a more rewarding job than raising your children, and seeing them on the right path because of you as a parent being there for them all the time.

That's exactly how I feel. People talk about how you need to have 2 incomes these days and that MAY be true, but I also look at what people consider a "need" these days. There very little difference between our needs and our wants. I;m willing to sacrifice some of these wants in order to send my kids off to school and to be there when they get home. I want to take my kids to their activites ( the ones we can still afford). A lot of my independent friends look at me like I'm crazy, but like I said I feel there is no career out there that is more important than parenting your children and raising good, law abiding, respectful adults.

Yuh need tuh open a school and teach dem ooman deez days.
De only reason people need two incomes deez day is because ah greed. Simple as dat!