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Being a person whose family us from the Caribbean, it seems as though infidelity is something that we almost HAVE to deal with. Children being born out of Wedlock, then finding out they have family in the most crazy of ways.

example:

Woman meets guy. Woman likes guy. They decide to go on a date. Woman goes home to tell family about this guy she met that she has this "connection" with that can't be explained. Family tells her she can't date the guy becuase that's her little brother. (Henceforth the unexplainable 'connection'!)


How does one deal with this?!?! And does anyone actually take a look at the long-term/generational effects of these sitations?

One of my mentors told me this:

"Infidelity has its challenges, and if the adults around one as a child are greatly wounded and bitter too, the world can be a cold, mean and lonely place for a child. However, life is not an easy journey, and we all do the best we can, as we are all wounded. The wounds are from a very violent and abusive and oppressive past and that is past down from generation to generation in many different ways."

What has been your expereince or have you know someone to live through this expereince?

Oh I think that is rife is almost every West Indian family...especially in our grandparents generation.

My great-grandfather (on my mother's mother's side) was from Barbados. He had a family over there, then came to St Vincent to work and had a whole heap of children all over the island.

One of my cousins (who is the daughter of one of the illegitimate SVG bunch) now lives in Barbados, and she has been trying to get to know the Bajan side.... but they don't want anything to do with her! She called several times and they won't return her calls.

I find that so silly really and truly! The legitimate bunch never want to know the illegitimate ones and always seem to harbour some kinda grudge. Really and truly they're both in the same boat because more than likely if he was a dead-beat dad for the first ones, then he was a dead-beat for the ones out of wedlock too!
You can't possibly blame the illegitimate children... it's not like they enticed the man to stray away! They weren't even born yet...

So what is she doing now? Has she given up on them?

Well, my grandfather had a child before he married my grandmother whom my mom would always refer to as Sister Ivy..which we young folks assumed she was a church sister. Anyway, she had kids and one of the girls grew up with my uncle, all I knew is that the girl was always smiling and it seemed that she was like a servant. Come to find out that she was my first cousin, and I could not imagine why the treated her like an outcast....long story short, it wasn't until I was older that I got to know her. And, some of the family members still treat my cousin and her siblings like outcasts...

Yeah, this is something that is very common. i remember right before i moved to the states, i found out i had 4 uncles and three aunts in arima. my grandfather had a whole other family set up across the way. i never even got to know them.

__________________
"All of us driven by a simple belief that the world as it is just won't do - that we have an obligation to fight for the world as it should be."- Michelle Obama

I read the title thinking if we have family members who are "extra" lord knows I have a few who are "extra"

It's funny how my coworker and I was talking about the results of infidelity at lunch.

__________________
"If u put a small price on ur value.. rest assure that the world wont raise ur price! Love U 2day!" ~ Rev. Run

"If you keep believing in yourself and seek enthusiasm inside your soul, things will get simpler, more spontaneous." ~Paulo Coelho

"Knowledge is like the wind, once you obtain it, you can go anywhere." ~Yellow Hare(Native-American Chief)

Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit
the floor each morning the devil says:
"Oh Crap, She's up!"

aaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd !

my great grandparents are cousins.........dummies counldnt figure out they both had the same last name

explain please

do you still keep in contact with her? how is your relationship with them????

well, actually, when I learned this me and the fam had a falling out when I was on vacation, and she is who I moved out and stayed with, she treated me so good, and I was so sad because me and my sister asked a lot of questions about her siblings and stuff and we just couldn't believe it. I mean she has like 6 other siblings who are our first cousins, and we never would have known....you know I realize that your parents protect you a lot from your families drama when you are young, but when you get older and you see all the dirty laundry, sometimes nothing is left but shame...I am happy to say that me and my sister have a very good relationship with them now. But the other siblings are older than the girls, so we don't get to see them and hang out with them though.

but, I think most of my family still doesn't treat them as they should....

my great grandparents are 3rd or 4th cousins

annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd I'm not going to share my personal experiences on this subject, however we both agreed that the infidelity and the resulting added family members is prevelant and can also lead to a mistrust of men in the Windies by the women, because we see it happening so much. Granted there are quite a few young men who try thier best to stop this cycle but unfortunately there are quite a few brothers who feel they should plant thier seeds all over the bloody place and roll on.

added siblings as a result of divorce and remarriage is one thing but the rolling and planting the concern.

__________________
"If u put a small price on ur value.. rest assure that the world wont raise ur price! Love U 2day!" ~ Rev. Run

"If you keep believing in yourself and seek enthusiasm inside your soul, things will get simpler, more spontaneous." ~Paulo Coelho

"Knowledge is like the wind, once you obtain it, you can go anywhere." ~Yellow Hare(Native-American Chief)

Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit
the floor each morning the devil says:
"Oh Crap, She's up!"

you know shandy, for all we know, we could be brother and sister!!!!!

Let me just say thank heavens my half-brothers are waaaaaay too young for me.

__________________
"If u put a small price on ur value.. rest assure that the world wont raise ur price! Love U 2day!" ~ Rev. Run

"If you keep believing in yourself and seek enthusiasm inside your soul, things will get simpler, more spontaneous." ~Paulo Coelho

"Knowledge is like the wind, once you obtain it, you can go anywhere." ~Yellow Hare(Native-American Chief)

Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit
the floor each morning the devil says:
"Oh Crap, She's up!"