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Old 06-09-2011, 03:29 PM   #31 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by missmayling View Post
sorry, but this poem came to mind


heaven and hell



st. Peter came to the lord and said, "lord, i have to talk to you. I have a problem. I know we didn't have many jamaicans in heaven so you instituted an affirmative action plan and we are supposed to have 10,000 jamaicans in heaven. But they are causing so many problems!

They have torn down the pearly gates by swinging on them. They have let in another 10,000 of their bredrin through the fence. They are constantly standing by the gate disturbing angel gabriel begging for "bly" for their cousin, sistren, neighbour, granny, auntie ... Whenever it is their turn to watch the gates they keep letting in good looking women and fat women.

They have stolen my harp. They have gotten jerk sauce all over their white robes. Drum pan chicken is being sold all over the streets of gold. Some are walking around with only one wing because they are "styling".

Angels must have two wings to fly! Some of them have put chrome wings and are dazzling the other angels when they are flying. The white robes are eternal and must be washed five times a day. Some haven't washed their robes since they arrived because they didn't come to heaven do "day's work". Some have refused to take their turn in helping keep the stairway to heaven clean because "dem ah no helper".

Many who came here because they used salt are still using it because they don't like "ital" food. Some refuse to wear their halos because they don't fit right overt heir hairstyles. Others are wearing their halos backways. Others are wearing their halos with the tags still attached to them. Others have discarded the white halos and are wearing gold ones instead they claim these are "bashy" most of the women have discarded their white robes and are wearing white shorts and "batty riders" claiming that they have pretty skin and want: To show off their "bandy legs"

reggae music is blasted at all hours of night at their "bashments", disturbing all the other residents. Their cellular phones are worn on their robes and keep ringing during prayers. Recently there was an altercation between adam and one jamaican who claims he was only "checking" eve. They have planted marijuana in the garden of eden since the soil is so fertile claiming "man and man haffi hustle".

What should i do?!" the lord said, "it wouldn't be fair to not let jamaicans in heaven. They have just as much right to be here as other nationalities. Maybe we just don't know how to deal with them; maybe we are using the wrong approach. We need to check with someone who has more experience dealing with them. Let's call the devil.

The devil answered the phone and said, "hello, lord. What can i do for you?" the lord said, "we have a problem up here, and we'd like to talk to you about it." the devil said, "just a minute, i've got to put you on hold." the devil was gone five minutes. He came back to the phone and said, "ok lord, i'm back. What's up?" the lord said, "well, i would like to talk to you about a problem up here." once again the devil excused himself and put the lord on hold. This time he was gone for fifteen minutes. Finally, the devil came back to the phone and said, "lord, i am really sorry, but i can't talk to you right now. Have to go. These damm jamaicans down here ... Yesterday they just had air conditioning put in. Now they have just put out the hell's fire! Saying "man come to hell to "cool out"!
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Old 06-09-2011, 03:30 PM   #32 (permalink)
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Old 06-09-2011, 03:32 PM   #33 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Missmayling View Post
sorry, but this poem came to mind


Heaven and Hell



St. Peter came to the Lord and said, "Lord, I have to talk to you. I have a problem. I know we didn't have many Jamaicans in heaven so you instituted an affirmative action plan and we are supposed to have 10,000 Jamaicans in heaven. But they are causing so many problems!

They have torn down the Pearly Gates by swinging on them. They have let in another 10,000 of their bredrin through the fence. They are constantly standing by the gate disturbing Angel Gabriel begging for "bly" for their cousin, sistren, neighbour, granny, auntie ... Whenever it is their turn to watch the gates they keep letting in good looking women and fat women.

They have stolen my harp. They have gotten jerk sauce all over their white robes. Drum pan chicken is being sold all over the Streets of Gold. Some are walking around with only one wing because they are "styling".

Angels must have two wings to fly! Some of them have put chrome wings and are dazzling the other angels when they are flying. The white robes are eternal and must be washed five times a day. Some haven't washed their robes since they arrived because they didn't come to heaven do "day's work". Some have refused to take their turn in helping keep the Stairway to Heaven clean because "dem ah no helper".

Many who came here because they used salt are still using it because they don't like "ital" food. Some refuse to wear their halos because they don't fit right overt heir hairstyles. Others are wearing their halos backways. Others are wearing their halos with the tags still attached to them. Others have discarded the white halos and are wearing gold ones instead they claim these are "bashy" Most of the women have discarded their white robes and are wearing white shorts and "batty riders" claiming that they have pretty skin and want: to show off their "bandy legs"

Reggae music is blasted at all hours of night at their "bashments", disturbing all the other residents. Their cellular phones are worn on their robes and keep ringing during prayers. Recently there was an altercation between Adam and one Jamaican who claims he was only "checking" Eve. They have planted marijuana in the Garden of Eden since the soil is so fertile claiming "man and man haffi hustle".

What should I do?!" The Lord said, "It wouldn't be fair to not let Jamaicans in heaven. They have just as much right to be here as other nationalities. Maybe we just don't know how to deal with them; maybe we are using the wrong approach. We need to check with someone who has more experience dealing with them. Let's call the Devil.

The Devil answered the phone and said, "Hello, Lord. What can I do for you?" The Lord said, "We have a problem up here, and we'd like to talk to you about it." The Devil said, "Just a minute, I've got to put you on hold." The Devil was gone five minutes. He came back to the phone and said, "OK Lord, I'm back. What's up?" The Lord said, "Well, I would like to talk to you about a problem up here." Once again the Devil excused himself and put the Lord on hold. This time he was gone for fifteen minutes. Finally, the Devil came back to the phone and said, "Lord, I am really sorry, but I can't talk to you right now. Have to go. These damm Jamaicans down here ... yesterday they just had air conditioning put in. Now they have just put out the hell's fire! saying "man come to hell to "cool out"!
*died*
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Old 06-09-2011, 04:03 PM   #34 (permalink)
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Old 06-09-2011, 04:09 PM   #35 (permalink)
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I like the JA version of that joke!
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Old 06-09-2011, 04:29 PM   #36 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Ras_Apache View Post
hell is straight baccanal! crime is high, the weather is either too hot or too cold, kids getting teef, fetes are one set of slackness, drunk/high people every where....etc
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Old 06-09-2011, 04:36 PM   #37 (permalink)
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Old 06-09-2011, 04:40 PM   #38 (permalink)
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Hell is a condition on earth men... and heaven and the spirit world is 2 different things.
heaven will be establish on earth also.


stop making biible threads please. because u idiot really don't know anything
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Old 06-09-2011, 04:42 PM   #39 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by King-NicK View Post
Hell is a condition on earth men... and heaven and the spirit world is 2 different things.
heaven will be establish on earth also.


stop making biible threads please. because u idiot really don't know anything
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