Man, I normally donít write about this kinda stuff but I am hoping that you all find this as hilarious as I did.
Apparently, more and more white women are coming to the Caribbean as sex tourists.
"Some are single career women, others are divorcees; some are married. Nearly all have one thing in common: the desire for, as one woman put it, in terms as distasteful as they were explicit, 'black bamboo'."
Also known as rent-a-dreads, black male prostitutes in the Caribbean have been making a killing over the past few years as a boom in women going to the Caribbean looking for black bamboo has exploded.
But before you start thinking that you might want to go down to Jamaica and help assist in this ďsex tourist boomĒ, let me help you start thinking with the right head for a second.
How many beautiful, intelligent, sexy, women do you know that have to travel 10,000 miles just to get no strings fun?
This isnít 1956. If a white women wants to have sex with a black man she doesnít have to go any further than finding one.
Society might not like it.
In 1956 jungle fever couldíve gotten you killed.
Yeah, now you see where I am coming from.
These women are not the catch of the day my friend. They are not travelling to the Caribbean to escape disapproving stares. They are going to the Caribbean to pay someone attractive to screw them.
Byron - who, is one of these Jamaican studs tells us, without actually telling us, that he is in fact earning his money when he says, "These women say they wouldn't get looked at twice back home, but we make them feel like queens of the island. That's gotta be worth the green (money)." We tell them we like cat, not kitten," he grins. "We is like the Foreign Service. We give good lovin'. Why should we not get the good money?"
Ok, so put your ################ back in your pants.
These are not gorgeous women we are talking about here. Chances are they arenít even attractive.
For every one Lindsay Lohan that is traveling 10,000 miles for the black bamboo, there are 500 Rosanne Barrs that beat her to it.
And I am not dogging Rosanne Barr. Go get yours girl. I ainít mad at ya.
I am just saying Byron and his rent-a-dread black bamboo squad are earning their money, believe me.
Carol, on her first visit to the island with her 44-year-old friend Helen, who is not on her first trip to AIDS ravaged Jamaica told the Daily Mail that "Neither of us is kidding ourselves about what's going on," Carol says. "But the fact is that in England, men our age aren't remotely interestedÖHere, the men make us feel like gorgeous, sexy women again. As far as I'm concerned, you can't put a price on that."
These white sex tourist women are known on the island as ďmilk bottlesĒ to the local men offering black bamboo.
Here is another funny fact.
Supposedly many of these women have the hardest time admitting to themselves that they are actually paying men to sleep with them. I guess that too would be a kick in the teeth.
So instead, having learned that 16% of the population of Jamaica lives under the poverty line, they have instead sold themselves this story that they are just helping out the local economy.
Some of them even contend that they are helping improve race relations by what they are doing.
Well that is one way of looking at it.
But like everything there are two sides of a story.
Apparently the local Jamaican women donít appreciate these hordes of apparently otherwise undesirable white women coming into their town and ravaging all the young black bamboo.
"These women come here and chew up our men," one young waitress told the Daily Mail. "By the time they've finished romancing them, there's nothing left for us."
Race relations have never been better.
It also isnít uncommon for these milk bottles to actually fall for the things that these men are telling them, which again, only further proves my theory that these women are hit.
Lets follow the logic. No man wants to look at you in England, but suddenly you go to Jamaica and now you are causing car accidents in busy intersections?
Seriously, the only different between your rent-a-dread and the men back home is that Black Bamboo is poor and needs the money.
"We see it time and again, man. It starts out as fun, then the women start talking about staying in touch. They want to think they're the only one. But these guys have got a number of different women on the go. Some of them have got three, four different women sending them money from back homeĒ said a bartender at Alfredís Ocean Palace, a popular reggae bar in Negril.
One regular sex tourist ďmilk bottleĒ woman named Jill supported that assertion. Apparently the first time she did this, she came back home to England with full intention of divorcing her husband, get these rent-a-dreads visas and send them money only to find that they couldnít be reached. "There were lots of promises made then, but we soon learned our lesson," Jill confides. "Now we come just for some fun. We are very careful and we see it as two weeks out of our lives for a bit of romance. It's not harming anyone."
Again, like everything in this story there are two sides to that as well.
Just an FYI, to any potential milk bottles out there. The only place in the world that has a higher AIDS rate than the Caribbean is sub-Saharan Africa.
You would think that no one would be thinking of going to the Sudan looking for studs to bone.
But then again, I guess the Sudan doesnít have beaches and palm trees.
AIDS doesnít ravage European countries like it does African countries not because Europeans practice safer sex, donít engage in high risk behaviors and have fewer sex partners, it must just be because whoever created AIDS didnít put it in Europe first.
Because obviously, common sense or not engaging in high risk behavior isnít what is keeping Europe from seeing the same kind of effects from AIDS as it has Africa and the Caribbean thatís for damn sure.