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Thread: Memo

  1. #1
    IslandGem A class laydee's Avatar A class laydee is offline
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    Memo

    EFFECTIVE: Today


    Dress Code:

    You are advised to come to work dressed according to your
    salary.

    If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we
    will assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not
    need a raise.

    If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money
    better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do
    not need a raise.

    If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and
    therefore you do not need a raise.



    Sick Days:

    We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of
    sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to
    come to work.

    Personal Days:

    Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are
    called Saturdays & Sundays.

    Bereavement Leave:

    This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do
    for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be
    made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements. In
    rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral
    should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to
    allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave
    one hour early.


    Bathroom Breaks:

    Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now
    a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of
    three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will
    retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.
    After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the
    company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
    Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the
    company's mental health policy.


    Lunch Break:

    Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat
    more, so that they can look healthy.

    Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced
    meal to maintain their average figure.

    Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the
    time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.


    Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide
    a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions,
    comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations,
    aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations,
    contemplations, consternation and input should be directed
    elsewhere.

    The Management

  2. #2
    SAINTSational Nica's Avatar Nica is offline
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    Quote Originally Posted by A class laydee
    EFFECTIVE: Today


    Dress Code:

    You are advised to come to work dressed according to your
    salary.

    If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we
    will assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not
    need a raise.

    If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money
    better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do
    not need a raise.

    If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and
    therefore you do not need a raise.



    Sick Days:

    We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of
    sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to
    come to work.

    Personal Days:

    Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are
    called Saturdays & Sundays.

    Bereavement Leave:

    This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do
    for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be
    made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements. In
    rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral
    should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to
    allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave
    one hour early.


    Bathroom Breaks:

    Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now
    a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of
    three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will
    retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.
    After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the
    company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
    Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the
    company's mental health policy.


    Lunch Break:

    Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat
    more, so that they can look healthy.

    Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced
    meal to maintain their average figure.

    Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the
    time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.


    Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide
    a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions,
    comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations,
    aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations,
    contemplations, consternation and input should be directed
    elsewhere.

    The Management

    that's funny
    Those Who Sacrifice Freedom for Security Deserve Neither
    www.cookingwithval.com
    http://www.snackhealthy.com/snackwithval
    @cookingwithval
    @NicaBlack

  3. #3
    BASHMENT Master ilanbaybee's Avatar ilanbaybee is offline
    Join Date
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    inside the band...wavin my hand
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    Quote Originally Posted by A class laydee
    EFFECTIVE: Today


    Dress Code:

    You are advised to come to work dressed according to your
    salary.

    If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we
    will assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not
    need a raise.


    its about time, im tired of seeing people who know they on welfare wearing prada dis and gucci dat.................

  4. #4
    Registered User swingphi03 is offline
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    I got this my mail a while back. My mom put it on a letterhead from her day care and passed it out to the employees and made them sign it. LOL

    OMG, you had to see there faces. They all pulled her aside and she you know they bags aint real, etc etc.

    It was tooooooooo funny. Then she told them it was all a joke the next day. HA HA HA

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