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Thread: Help me understand pls.

  1. #1
    Registered User Poca's Avatar Poca is offline
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    Help me understand pls.

    My cousin is having some existential issues. Her mother cheated on her father some years ago and they got divorced. They never had a happy marriage. She didn't want kid and she always made it clear that when my cousin reaches 18 yrs old she would leave. So she divorced when my cousin was in university. She went to live with her father (my uncle) because her mother is quite a character.

    anyway, some years ago my uncle started to date this younger lady (he is about 52-55 and she is i suppose around 35 but not 40 yet). My cousin was really upset about that because she considered that he was told old for the lady. Anyway, my uncle moved to the states to be with her and they are now married with a baby boy who was born earlier in 2012. Now my cousin is really upset because she thinks that her father is foolish, she doesn't like the fact that he has a kid that old. We were all in Florida the passed W/E for a family function and she absolutely refused to see the child.

    personally, I don't understand her reaction at all because her father have been with that lady for a good 5 yrs now and he seems to be happy with her. She is definitely a much more nicer person than my uncle's ex-wife. The thing that apparently bugs my cousin the most is that she feels like her father imposed that decision on her without taking her feeling into consideration. I tried to explain to her that she has no say in those kinds of decisions specially when it seems to be working out.

    her father has really tried all kind of things to make it up to her because he is really a "papa gateau" but she refuses to be happy for him. Now my uncle told her to either change her attitude or he won't be part of her life anymore and she is blaming his wife and new baby without questioning her behavior. The odd thing in this whole story is that she is very nice to her mother who had been very clear from the get go and throughout her life that she will put herself first before any husband or child.

    I really don't see why she is upset still...

  2. #2
    Cervical Cancer MÉCHANT LOUP's Avatar MÉCHANT LOUP is offline
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    I have an adolescent child, if she becomes of a GROWN age and is Unhappy with a decision or possible choice I will make. I will consider her feelings, she is my child...my happiness is equally rooted in the ones that I love. If she is not happy, there is little possibility that I could be happy while she is unhappy. When u decide to have children, u decide to always consider another before urself. Same goes with getting married and having a spouse.

    Your Uncle needs to make peace with his daughter, she was there before he had choices to consider....and, she will always be there. If you take in consideration, his Ex-Wife...He has always been a man to make improper decisions, and this is another situation to add to the tally.
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  3. #3
    Earth Angel dollbabi's Avatar dollbabi is offline
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    Not completely sure but...

    Your cousin may feel like she alone should be the center of her father's world perhaps because of all that she has endured due to the divorce, including any events leading up to the divorce. She's being quite selfish and not considering her father's well-being as he grows older. And how old is your cousin? Maybe there are some dynamics between her and her father that are unknown to others though.
    Last edited by dollbabi; 06-11-2012 at 11:48 AM.
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    SAINTSational Nica's Avatar Nica is offline
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    I see selfishness on your cousin's part.

    While her dad should consider her happiness, he must also take care of his need for the type of love that he cannot get from his daughter. And she has to understand that. Her parents are divorced and has both moved on. She seems to be fine with her mom, who from the story seems t be the one who "broke up" the family.

    Father and daughter needs to have a sit down and address their feelings openly ASAP. They might need to do that with a therapist because your cousin has some deep rooted issues that needs to be brought to light.
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    Registered User Poca's Avatar Poca is offline
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    she is 32 yrs old and is definitely a very selfish person. Much like her mother but she is not demeaning to others only towards her father. I like my uncle very much and I relate to him even more than I relate to my father (his younger brother). Like me he is not a malicious person and like to when things are stress free. So I do know that I am biased when it comes to his relationship with his daughter. But I strongly believe that at 32 yrs old she should try to be happy for her father and accept his decision. When he was younger he had a daughter before his marriage and because my cousin really did not accept the news he decided not to be part of that kid's life. I think that he is very wrong for giving my cousin that much veto power on his life. I know that if it was me, i would have told her long ago to get with the program or goodbye.

  6. #6
    Southern Belle mz_JazE's Avatar mz_JazE is offline
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    Okay your cousin comes off as selfish, but now that you say that she's 32 I can see a little bit of a problem since her and the new wife are similar in age (you said the woman is in between 35-40). I will say her and the father need to address the issue because she might feel as if he's trying to replace her with his new family. This is coming from someone who is an only child.

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    Registered User Poca's Avatar Poca is offline
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    I just feel that she is giving him a hard time because she knows that he will most likely never drop her and cut all ties with her.

  8. #8
    Black Madonna
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    32 fukking yrs old? she need to get a man and leff fih she fadda alone. clearly she noh have none. big ole woman with fukking daddy issues. *steupse* tell di hag fine ah man, breed and leff pipple business
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    It is I bhalistix's Avatar bhalistix is offline
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    Some things just can be explain people are just weird. Maybe she see her STEPMOTHER (because of closeness in age) as a direct rival for her fathers attention. Throw the kid into the mix and now she has to divide her dad, whoe attention she has had exclusively for most of her life, with 2 other people. Some people just look at every situation through selfish eyes.
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    Insurgent Alpha Unit's Avatar Alpha Unit is offline
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    Quote Originally Posted by Black Madonna View Post
    32 fukking yrs old? she need to get a man and leff fih she fadda alone. clearly she noh have none. big ole woman with fukking daddy issues. *steupse* tell di hag fine ah man, breed and leff pipple business
    not as diplomatic as I might have stated but I fully agree lol
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  11. #11
    Black Madonna
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    Quote Originally Posted by Big Bo$$ View Post
    not as diplomatic as I might have stated but I fully agree lol

    lol. I only put it that way to highlight the ridiculousness of it knowing that she 32. if I put it in a nice way. people woulda pass it over and not understand how silly the girl is being. and will really try to rationalize this nonsense like folks in here doing.

  12. #12
    Taj
    Loyalty to Loyalty Taj's Avatar Taj is offline
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    Quote Originally Posted by Poca! View Post
    My cousin is having some existential issues. Her mother cheated on her father some years ago and they got divorced. They never had a happy marriage. She didn't want kid and she always made it clear that when my cousin reaches 18 yrs old she would leave. So she divorced when my cousin was in university. She went to live with her father (my uncle) because her mother is quite a character.

    anyway, some years ago my uncle started to date this younger lady (he is about 52-55 and she is i suppose around 35 but not 40 yet). My cousin was really upset about that because she considered that he was told old for the lady. Anyway, my uncle moved to the states to be with her and they are now married with a baby boy who was born earlier in 2012. Now my cousin is really upset because she thinks that her father is foolish, she doesn't like the fact that he has a kid that old. We were all in Florida the passed W/E for a family function and she absolutely refused to see the child.

    personally, I don't understand her reaction at all because her father have been with that lady for a good 5 yrs now and he seems to be happy with her. She is definitely a much more nicer person than my uncle's ex-wife. The thing that apparently bugs my cousin the most is that she feels like her father imposed that decision on her without taking her feeling into consideration. I tried to explain to her that she has no say in those kinds of decisions specially when it seems to be working out.

    her father has really tried all kind of things to make it up to her because he is really a "papa gateau" but she refuses to be happy for him. Now my uncle told her to either change her attitude or he won't be part of her life anymore and she is blaming his wife and new baby without questioning her behavior. The odd thing in this whole story is that she is very nice to her mother who had been very clear from the get go and throughout her life that she will put herself first before any husband or child.

    I really don't see why she is upset still...
    Hmmm so you start it so you finish it.
    I'm sure she remembers her banishing that previous sibling from her father life and she's just thinking the same is gonna happen to her... Add to the fact he now lives in a different country. Basically as she sees it she have no father and pretending to make nice with her bytch mother.
    Too bad she isn't secure in the bond she has with her dad.

    it seems like dad finally trying to live for himself but past mistakes still haunting him

    Poca could you break down papa-gateau... you mean he's a dad that spoils u
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  13. #13
    Registered User Poca's Avatar Poca is offline
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    BM I agree 100%. I was listening to her yesterday trying to reason and make her understand that she really do big have a say in those kinds of decisions. And I told her that if she really cared for her father and his happiness, she would try to see the situation from his point of view and understand the joy that it all bring him.

    I think that her behavior is something that I would have expected from a teen not for someone who is 32.


    And Taj you may be right! But I don't think that it's normal for some 32 yrs old person to hold on to her father like that to the point of destroying his peace. I know that I can be selfish at times but I do know when to let go and move on. I feel bad for my uncle and I told him, let her be and it won't be long for her to get to her senses but unlike me, he cannot close those doors easily.

    Also a papa gateau is a father who can't say no to his kids, specially to his daughters.


    Quote Originally Posted by Taj View Post
    Hmmm so you start it so you finish it.
    I'm sure she remembers her banishing that previous sibling from her father life and she's just thinking the same is gonna happen to her... Add to the fact he now lives in a different country. Basically as she sees it she have no father and pretending to make nice with her bytch mother.
    Too bad she isn't secure in the bond she has with her dad.

    it seems like dad finally trying to live for himself but past mistakes still haunting him

    Poca could you break down papa-gateau... you mean he's a dad that spoils u

  14. #14
    Registered User Skilz™'s Avatar Skilz™ is offline
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    Your cousin shoud overdose on pills...thatbwill be a cry for help.

  15. #15
    Registered User Poca's Avatar Poca is offline
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    Please remember that I had asked you to keep your twisted mind away from my posts.

    I don't like you style, so don't bother.

    Quote Originally Posted by Skilz™ View Post
    Your cousin shoud overdose on pills...thatbwill be a cry for help.

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