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Thread: a conversation about cooking and dating

  1. #1
    Warrior Queen NikkiGiovanni's Avatar NikkiGiovanni is offline
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    a conversation about cooking and dating

    i was having a conversation (over dinner) with three women of very diverse backgrounds....the topic of conversation was about cooking for men

    the woman that introduced the topic was a Black woman with Honduran background who is dating a dude for 2 months, and she was complaining that he keeps asking her to cook for him and she doesn't want to....the fact is she likes to cook, she just thinks it's "too soon"

    so the other women were agreeing, and saying that if he keeps asking, then it's an expectation and they wouldn't cook for him either

    one woman was an asian woman married to a white man and she said that they eat out like 95% of the time, but if any cooking is done, then she is the one to do it and she doesn't have a problem....the other woman was african american and i know she cooks, but not very often...she felt it was too soon as well...and that men should only expect that, once they are serious....

    i on the other hand felt that cooking is something you do to show care for someone and said i have no problem doing that for someone i am merely dating whether i am serious or not....i told them that most caribbean men won't take a woman seriously unless she can cook, and the Honduran woman said that she doesn't care about being deemed wifey material or not...

    it almost seemed that to cook for a man was to give up some sort of power....at least for the Black women....the Asian woman didn't seem phased by it, as if it was a nonfactor in her marriage...i just found it interesting
    you ALL AGREE with my opinion, which is why NONE of you ever EFFECTIVELY DISPUTE IT

    you ONLY have faith in the WOMEN'S ability to ELEVATE which is why you only FOCUS ON WOMEN...you ALL have long given up on Black men

    you just don't have the BALLS to OVERTLY AGREE....rather just do it INDIRECTLY

    weak men only can deal with weaker women

    in the presence of strength you diminish...

  2. #2
    Registered User OverLord Strum's Avatar OverLord Strum is offline
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    Lollllllllll

    Ahhhhhh yessssss. Interesting how domestication is now seen as a sign of weakness by too many in my opinion.

    The modern confusion of roles between man & woman are to blame for this phenomenon imo.
    Strum has a Grizzly Bear Rug in his living room.

    It's not dead however...It's just SCARED TO MOVE.

  3. #3
    LB
    Peace Love n Pretty Tings LB is offline
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    the whole "too soon" idea is interesting. Never heard anyone say its one of those things you do only when you are "serious" with someone.
    Its just food to me...... but I can see for some women it may be seen as a power play of some kind.....have to think on that for a minute.
    triniameri likes this.
    ~ If you make the mountain any bigger you wont be able to move it later

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    Registered User Poca's Avatar Poca is offline
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    After two months and his asking for her to cook for him? After two months he will not even know my address. How often can you see someone in a two month time frame for him to be that at ease to insist on being invited over to eat?

    I don't think that it's about giving up power or anything like that. 2 months is barely enough time to have a "clear" idea about the person.
    Chen ki jap pa mde!

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    ***//\\*** femmeayitienne's Avatar femmeayitienne is offline
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    A guy asking me to cook for him makes me reluctant to do so.

    If I'm cooking and he just so happen to come over -- that's not a problem.

    If I suggest it -- that's not a problem.

    If we been together for a while -- that's not a problem.

  6. #6
    Warrior Queen NikkiGiovanni's Avatar NikkiGiovanni is offline
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    Quote Originally Posted by LB View Post
    the whole "too soon" idea is interesting. Never heard anyone say its one of those things you do only when you are "serious" with someone.
    Its just food to me...... but I can see for some women it may be seen as a power play of some kind.....have to think on that for a minute.
    EXACTLY....these were all educated women i might add, just to show you the demographic

    i didn't see the big deal, i love cooking for men, and i have had men love to cook for me....one of the reasons why i married my husband was for his cooking skills.....most of my boytoys whom i see casually have cooked for me...and they don't see it as a big deal....i don't know why women see it as such a big thing
    you ALL AGREE with my opinion, which is why NONE of you ever EFFECTIVELY DISPUTE IT

    you ONLY have faith in the WOMEN'S ability to ELEVATE which is why you only FOCUS ON WOMEN...you ALL have long given up on Black men

    you just don't have the BALLS to OVERTLY AGREE....rather just do it INDIRECTLY

    weak men only can deal with weaker women

    in the presence of strength you diminish...

  7. #7
    Registered User Poca's Avatar Poca is offline
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    At the two months frame, I will most likely be sharing my favorite restaurants with him. And beside, who ask people to cook for them? This is something that the order must feel like doing for you. You cannot demand that someone you are dating ( for a mere two months) cooks for you.

    I'm sorry that's a lack of class.
    Chen ki jap pa mde!

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    LB
    Peace Love n Pretty Tings LB is offline
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    So no one sees it as compliment that he enjoys what/how you cook?

    If he has cooked for you in the past would it then be okay if he asks you to cook for him? You get to know one another most time over something to eat, so it wouldnt be some 10 months into a relationship before I'd think to cook for someone or hell, want them to cook for me.

    To me an expectation is just that - expecting me to do something without even asking if its okay.

    If he asks then I have the option to say no I dont want to cook but you are free to take me out for dinner. lol Asking is actually being rather polite I would say.

    Either way, saying no to something I dont want to do doesnt make me uncomfortable.
    ~ If you make the mountain any bigger you wont be able to move it later

  9. #9
    Warrior Queen NikkiGiovanni's Avatar NikkiGiovanni is offline
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    Quote Originally Posted by Poca! View Post
    After two months and his asking for her to cook for him? After two months he will not even know my address. How often can you see someone in a two month time frame for him to be that at ease to insist on being invited over to eat?

    I don't think that it's about giving up power or anything like that. 2 months is barely enough time to have a "clear" idea about the person.
    who said anything about demand?????
    you ALL AGREE with my opinion, which is why NONE of you ever EFFECTIVELY DISPUTE IT

    you ONLY have faith in the WOMEN'S ability to ELEVATE which is why you only FOCUS ON WOMEN...you ALL have long given up on Black men

    you just don't have the BALLS to OVERTLY AGREE....rather just do it INDIRECTLY

    weak men only can deal with weaker women

    in the presence of strength you diminish...

  10. #10
    Registered User OverLord Strum's Avatar OverLord Strum is offline
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    Quote Originally Posted by Poca! View Post
    At the two months frame, I will most likely be sharing my favorite restaurants with him. And beside, who ask people to cook for them? This is something that the order must feel like doing for you. You cannot demand that someone you are dating ( for a mere two months) cooks for you.

    I'm sorry that's a lack of class.
    Poca what in the sam hell?

    2 months is too soon to cook for someone? Let alone know where the person lives?

    Depending on how much you see each other in 2 months...you guys could already be at the having-sex-in-a-TimHortons-Bathroom stage!

    I HAVE to ask these two questions to understand your many viewpoints...don't take any offense...have you ever been married? or close to marriage? (proposed to)
    Strum has a Grizzly Bear Rug in his living room.

    It's not dead however...It's just SCARED TO MOVE.

  11. #11
    Registered User sankofaa's Avatar sankofaa is offline
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    i've had women cook for me the first time we hung out, i like to cook too so i dont think its a big deal.

  12. #12
    Warrior Queen NikkiGiovanni's Avatar NikkiGiovanni is offline
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    Quote Originally Posted by Poca! View Post
    After two months and his asking for her to cook for him? After two months he will not even know my address. How often can you see someone in a two month time frame for him to be that at ease to insist on being invited over to eat?

    I don't think that it's about giving up power or anything like that. 2 months is barely enough time to have a "clear" idea about the person.
    so he doesn't know your address to come pick you up for a date?????

    you just are going to meet him everywhere?

    how do you establish a comfort level if you don't attempt to make the person feel comfortable?

    i don't see nothing wrong with inviting someone over for dinner, wine, and conversation....that's how you build a connection with someone
    you ALL AGREE with my opinion, which is why NONE of you ever EFFECTIVELY DISPUTE IT

    you ONLY have faith in the WOMEN'S ability to ELEVATE which is why you only FOCUS ON WOMEN...you ALL have long given up on Black men

    you just don't have the BALLS to OVERTLY AGREE....rather just do it INDIRECTLY

    weak men only can deal with weaker women

    in the presence of strength you diminish...

  13. #13
    Registered User Poca's Avatar Poca is offline
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    The way I read it, it wasn't as if she had already cooked for him. He was just trying to get her to cook for him. And if she did already coin for him, he shouldn't be constantly asking. That behavior is just trying to impose himself and that is not a good look.

    I fail to see when all this cooking woukd gsve had time to happen in two months.
    Chen ki jap pa mde!

  14. #14
    Registered User Poca's Avatar Poca is offline
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    Yes to both and two months is still short in my opinion.


    Quote Originally Posted by OverLord Strum View Post
    Poca what in the sam hell?

    2 months is too soon to cook for someone? Let alone know where the person lives?

    Depending on how much you see each other in 2 months...you guys could already be at the having-sex-in-a-TimHortons-Bathroom stage!

    I HAVE to ask these two questions to understand your many viewpoints...don't take any offense...have you ever been married? or close to marriage? (proposed to)
    Chen ki jap pa mde!

  15. #15
    ***//\\*** femmeayitienne's Avatar femmeayitienne is offline
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    Quote Originally Posted by LB View Post
    So no one sees it as compliment that he enjoys what/how you cook?

    If he has cooked for you in the past would it then be okay if he asks you to cook for him? You get to know one another most time over something to eat, so it wouldnt be some 10 months into a relationship before I'd think to cook for someone or hell, want them to cook for me.

    To me an expectation is just that - expecting me to do something without even asking if its okay.

    If he asks then I have the option to say no I dont want to cook but you are free to take me out for dinner. lol Asking is actually being rather polite I would say.

    Either way, saying no to something I dont want to do doesnt make me uncomfortable.
    To me, cooking is a labor of love. If i'm not feeling you like that, I'm not cooking for you.

    Guys have been real pushy about that with me and that was such a turn off.
    mz_JazE likes this.

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