Page 1 of 4 123 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 59

Thread: Bring me home a Black girl

  1. #1
    coeur Chillybebee's Avatar Chillybebee is offline
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    'round de bend next to the end.
    Posts
    2,348
    Credits
    1,022,248

    Bring me home a Black girl

    The first time I saw my stepson, Ugo, make a move on a girl, he was about 7, and so was she--a dark-skinned little cutie standing at the juke-box in a Brooklyn family diner looking for a song to play. In a flash, Ugo was at her side, shy but bold at the same time. He pretended to be looking for a song, too, but he was mainly just looking at her, instantly in puppy love. "That's right," I said to him, fairly loudly and pointedly. "When it's time to get married, I want you to bring me home a girl just like that--a Black girl." The girl's parents, sitting at a table nearby, looked at me in surprise and then suddenly beamed. Ugo's father, sitting with me, just nodded and grinned.

    "Bring me home a Black girl." It's one of those commandments Ugo has heard from me most of his life, right up there with "Don't do drugs," "Finish school" and "Use a condom." Over the years he has rolled his eyes, sighed in exasperation, muttered that I was racist or been mortified whenever I'd blurt out things like "Dark, light, shades in between--it don't matter to me as long as she's Black." But Ugo has also grown up to be very clear about what that edict really means: Don't even think about marrying a White girl.

    I myself became clear about this--or clear about a mother's role in imparting to male children what's expected when it comes to marriage--when I interviewed the son of a Black magazine publisher ten years ago. The publisher had three sons and a Black wife who had made it clear to her boys that they were not to bring home any White girls. "We could have them as friends," the eldest son recalled, "but we were definitely not to marry them."

    In all the grousing and hand wringing we do over brothers' marrying outside the race, it had never occurred to me that the issue might be addressed by something as simple and basic as child rearing. We tell our sons almost every day what we expect when it comes to their behavior, but we seldom, if ever, tell them what we expect when it comes to that most serious of decisions: choosing a partner. Oh, we may ask vague, cursory questions about the women they bring home: Can she cook? What work does she do? Who are her people? But rarely do we come right out and make the case for marrying Black. Truth be told, we're much more likely to make the case for marrying "light" or marrying someone with "good hair" so we can have "pretty grandbabies." Or we might argue, shouldn't people be allowed to marry whomever they want? Wasn't that one of the goals of integration?

    If we were playing on an equal field, yes, we'd all be free to marry anyone. But the fact is, we're not. For Black women, one of the inequities on the current playing field has been the rate at which Black men are marrying outside the race. While most Black men still marry Black women, according to a joint survey by the U.S. Census Bureau and the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the number of Black men marrying White women has increased tenfold in the last 40 years, up from 25,000 in 1960 to 268,000 today. That's more than double the number of Black women who marry White men.

    Where Black people are concerned, the increasing numbers of interracial unions could eventually lead to what sex therapist Gwendolyn Goldsby Grant, Ed.D., calls annihilation through integration, a weakening of the culture and economic resources of the Black community. So the question becomes, How do we ensure our cultural and economic survival as a people? One way is to start early and plainly telling our boys to marry Black girls. We need to put the emphasis on our boys because they are more likely than our girls to choose a White partner. Add to that the fact that men still take the lead when it comes to choosing a marriage partner, and it becomes obvious that molding our boys' attitudes is critical.

    Of course, we may first have to get past what we think telling Black boys to marry Black means. "Somehow Black people are taught that to be ethnocentric is to be racist," says Grant. "But to want to be with people who share your values, religion and culture is very normal. It is not anti--anybody else."

    Indeed, it seems almost anti-self to want to mate with someone from a culture that has historically denigrated, despised and oppressed you--and continues to do so. "People don't consciously say, `I don't value myself, so I'm going to seek an image outside my culture,' but the choices you make reflect what you believe," Grant explains. "This is why images are so important. Our children must see themselves positively reflected in the world, and if they don't, they start valuing the dominant culture. And when you worship the dominant culture and pay no attention to your own, you're not making choices for your highest good. You're confused."

    As Maxwell C. Manning, an assistant professor of social work at Howard University, points out, "If you look at strong cultures, like the Jews, you'll find they have a high rate of marrying within their group. That's how they remain strong." Manning, who says he would be surprised if his own 21-year-old son "walked in the door with a White woman," notes that when as a young man he dated several White women, his parents were very upset. "That told me I should never think about marrying White," he recalls.

    In all the grousing and hand wringing we do over brothers' marrying outside the race, it had never occurred to me that the issue might be addressed by something as simple and basic as child rearing. We tell our sons almost every day what we expect when it comes to their behavior, but we seldom, if ever, tell them what we expect when it comes to that most serious of decisions: choosing a partner. Oh, we may ask vague, cursory questions about the women they bring home: Can she cook? What work does she do? Who are her people? But rarely do we come right out and make the case for marrying Black. Truth be told, we're much more likely to make the case for marrying "light" or marrying someone with "good hair" so we can have "pretty grandbabies." Or we might argue, shouldn't people be allowed to marry whomever they want? Wasn't that one of the goals of integration?

    If we were playing on an equal field, yes, we'd all be free to marry anyone. But the fact is, we're not. For Black women, one of the inequities on the current playing field has been the rate at which Black men are marrying outside the race. While most Black men still marry Black women, according to a joint survey by the U.S. Census Bureau and the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the number of Black men marrying White women has increased tenfold in the last 40 years, up from 25,000 in 1960 to 268,000 today. That's more than double the number of Black women who marry White men.

    Where Black people are concerned, the increasing numbers of interracial unions could eventually lead to what sex therapist Gwendolyn Goldsby Grant, Ed.D., calls annihilation through integration, a weakening of the culture and economic resources of the Black community. So the question becomes, How do we ensure our cultural and economic survival as a people? One way is to start early and plainly telling our boys to marry Black girls. We need to put the emphasis on our boys because they are more likely than our girls to choose a White partner. Add to that the fact that men still take the lead when it comes to choosing a marriage partner, and it becomes obvious that molding our boys' attitudes is critical.

    Of course, we may first have to get past what we think telling Black boys to marry Black means. "Somehow Black people are taught that to be ethnocentric is to be racist," says Grant. "But to want to be with people who share your values, religion and culture is very normal. It is not anti--anybody else."

    Indeed, it seems almost anti-self to want to mate with someone from a culture that has historically denigrated, despised and oppressed you--and continues to do so. "People don't consciously say, `I don't value myself, so I'm going to seek an image outside my culture,' but the choices you make reflect what you believe," Grant explains. "This is why images are so important. Our children must see themselves positively reflected in the world, and if they don't, they start valuing the dominant culture. And when you worship the dominant culture and pay no attention to your own, you're not making choices for your highest good. You're confused."

    As Maxwell C. Manning, an assistant professor of social work at Howard University, points out, "If you look at strong cultures, like the Jews, you'll find they have a high rate of marrying within their group. That's how they remain strong." Manning, who says he would be surprised if his own 21-year-old son "walked in the door with a White woman," notes that when as a young man he dated several White women, his parents were very upset. "That told me I should never think about marrying White," he recalls.

    http://www.findarticles.com/p/articl...33/ai_94384284
    Blessed

  2. #2
    The Divine GIOVANNA Dominican_Gurl's Avatar Dominican_Gurl is offline
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    UK, Nottingham
    Posts
    1,083
    Credits
    2,329
    i think people well get bored after reading the 3rd line

  3. #3
    dev
    Registered User dev is offline
    Join Date
    Jan 2000
    Location
    ga
    Posts
    9,200
    Credits
    143,025
    Quote Originally Posted by Dominican_Gurl View Post
    i think people well get bored after reading the 3rd line
    lovely pic oh queen.

  4. #4
    Rum Aficionado/Soca-holic Rummy's Avatar Rummy is offline
    Join Date
    Jan 2000
    Location
    Ft. Lauderdale
    Posts
    20,352
    Credits
    1,027,691
    Quote Originally Posted by Dominican_Gurl View Post
    i think people well get bored after reading the 3rd line
    Nah..it was cool til about 1/2-way thru the article. Then it was too much reasoning & nothing that hasn't been discussed before.

  5. #5
    Salsero de pura cepa Otorongo's Avatar Otorongo is offline
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Atlanta, GA
    Posts
    10,174
    Credits
    1,061,421
    Sounds fine when it comes to males. What about females?
    Let's look at the statistics for 2000.
    17,315,333 Black males of any age, whether free, straight, dating outside the group or not.

    19,104,101 Black females


    That meant that in 2000 There were almost 2 million women that would not have a mate even if ALL Black men were able to marry Black women.

  6. #6
    coeur Chillybebee's Avatar Chillybebee is offline
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    'round de bend next to the end.
    Posts
    2,348
    Credits
    1,022,248
    There are always other options from which females can choose.

    Quote Originally Posted by Otorongo View Post
    Sounds fine when it comes to males. What about females?
    Let's look at the statistics for 2000.
    17,315,333 Black males of any age, whether free, straight, dating outside the group or not.

    19,104,101 Black females


    That meant that in 2000 There were almost 2 million women that would not have a mate even if ALL Black men were able to marry Black women.
    Blessed

  7. #7
    Registered User LatinGirl's Avatar LatinGirl is offline
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Home
    Posts
    315
    Credits
    1,505,643
    I was discussing this with a friend of mine (East Indian) and she was telling me she would prefer her kids not to marry outside their race, specifically the African race (yeah, we entered into this discussion of why) Anyhow, I said that I DO NOT CARE, my kids can marry a Black, White, Asian, Indian, name it as long as the girl/boy is a decent human being and has a job!

  8. #8
    Salsero de pura cepa Otorongo's Avatar Otorongo is offline
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Atlanta, GA
    Posts
    10,174
    Credits
    1,061,421
    Quote Originally Posted by Chillybebee View Post
    There are always other options from which females can choose.
    But this article doesn't want you to have other options.
    Shoot, women from America can hook up with a ton of Asians once they have depleted the only surplus of men in the US. Latinos and Native Americans. Or they can go lesbian or into polygamy.

  9. #9
    coeur Chillybebee's Avatar Chillybebee is offline
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    'round de bend next to the end.
    Posts
    2,348
    Credits
    1,022,248
    I've also heard it many times. My girlfriend's mom put her out of the house because she was dating an african american man. Mind you her mother is a dougla (black/indian); my friend is Afro/Trinidadian as well as her father. The mother's relationship with my friend's father soured. As a result she feels that her children should marry/ date indian or white. The mother when I last saw her was dating an indian man. Her other daughter married an Afro/Trinidadian.

    Quote Originally Posted by LatinGirl View Post
    I was discussing this with a friend of mine (East Indian) and she was telling me she would prefer her kids not to marry outside their race, specifically the African race (yeah, we entered into this discussion of why) Anyhow, I said that I DO NOT CARE, my kids can marry a Black, White, Asian, Indian, name it as long as the girl/boy is a decent human being and has a job!
    Blessed

  10. #10
    coeur Chillybebee's Avatar Chillybebee is offline
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    'round de bend next to the end.
    Posts
    2,348
    Credits
    1,022,248
    the article also said:
    We need to put the emphasis on our boys because they are more likely than our girls to choose a White partner. Add to that the fact that men still take the lead when it comes to choosing a marriage partner, and it becomes obvious that molding our boys' attitudes is critical.
    Quote Originally Posted by Otorongo View Post
    But this article doesn't want you to have other options.
    Shoot, women from America can hook up with a ton of Asians once they have depleted the only surplus of men in the US. Latinos and Native Americans. Or they can go lesbian or into polygamy.
    Blessed

  11. #11
    Salsero de pura cepa Otorongo's Avatar Otorongo is offline
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Atlanta, GA
    Posts
    10,174
    Credits
    1,061,421
    Quote Originally Posted by Chillybebee View Post
    the article also said:
    We need to put the emphasis on our boys because they are more likely than our girls to choose a White partner.
    The emphasis exists only in the belief Black women will not do it.

  12. #12
    coeur Chillybebee's Avatar Chillybebee is offline
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    'round de bend next to the end.
    Posts
    2,348
    Credits
    1,022,248
    My response: There are always other options from which females can choose.

    Otorongo: But this article doesn't want you to have other options.
    Otorongo: The emphasis exists only in the belief Black women will not do it.
    Blessed

  13. #13
    Salsero de pura cepa Otorongo's Avatar Otorongo is offline
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Atlanta, GA
    Posts
    10,174
    Credits
    1,061,421
    Quote Originally Posted by Chillybebee View Post
    My response: There are always other options from which females can choose.
    Like?

  14. #14
    Registered User bds4's Avatar bds4 is offline
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Posts
    278
    Credits
    355

    Exclamation hmmm...............!

    This article was published in Essence magazine back in the mid 1990's. It is was most likely written by someone with low self esteem who has an axe to grind! The facts are that [B]Quality[B] women will always have their pick and spoils of the best of men! But women who are damaged, ignorant, diseased, loud and stupid will have to pick among the thugs, DL thugs, the breeders and all the other undesirables. But the man shortage is universal and fact is that many black american women DO NOT know the game or the rules so they blame white women, white women then blame asian women for their issues with white men and the cycle continues!
    Last edited by bds4; 02-17-2007 at 10:48 PM. Reason: grammer addage

  15. #15
    Salsero de pura cepa Otorongo's Avatar Otorongo is offline
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Atlanta, GA
    Posts
    10,174
    Credits
    1,061,421
    Overcoming the hidden taboos of crossing the color line

    Jesse Hamlin, Chronicle Staff Writer

    Sunday, February 19, 2006
    Sportscaster Gary Radnich and his wife, Alicia Radnich, t... Elayne Jones in her Walnut Creek condo. Chronicle photo b... Elayne Jones playing piano for Duke Ellington in 1945. Sh... George Kaufman. He was married to Elayne Jones for 10 years. More...

    The boy is not a Martian, he's just white.

    That's what the sage black surgeon tells his daughter in the newish movie "Something New." It's a romantic comedy about a driven African American accounting executive who's torn between her desire to find the "IBM'' -- the ideal black male -- and her attraction to a sweet blond, blue-eyed landscaper who rubs against the expectations of her upper-middle class black milieu. He's definitely not the cat to bring to the black cotillion.

    "Do I know women like her? Absolutely. I identified with the character,'' says Sanaa Lathan, the actress who plays the lead role of Kenya in "Something New.'' It was written by a black woman, Kriss Turner, and directed by Sanna Hamri, who calls herself a real African American: Her father is Moroccan and her mother is a gringo.

    Lathan has dated white guys and felt the draft of resentment and racism from both sides of the color line. She recalls the disapproving looks of older black men, the unease of a white boyfriend's liberal parents, her reluctance to bring the guy to black gatherings and the relief a few people in her family felt when the couple called it quits. Lathan knows the movies about a black man and a white woman -- "Jungle Fever'' comes blazing to mind -- but with the exception of small films like "Zebrahead,'' she'd never seen the reverse portrayed onscreen, from a black woman's perspective.

    "That's huge,'' said the actress, on the horn from her Los Angeles home.

    If statistics mean anything, according to Newsweek, 13 percent of African American men marry outside their race, compared to 5 percent of African American women. Black women are more reluctant to date outside their community, Lathan says.

    "There is a sense of guilt, a sense of abandoning our black brothers. You feel it from yourself and from the community. It goes way back to our history in this country, the whole thing with white slave master and black women. It's a very painful past that's still in us to this day. It's almost easier to date somebody who's not white, like a Latino,'' she added, because the black-white symbolism "is way more loaded.''

    The whole "male-female dynamic'' comes into play, too, Hamri adds by phone from her Los Angeles office. Men have always had more freedom. "A man sleeps around, he's a stud, a woman is a whore,'' the director says. "Take that simple premise, that formula, and if you add the race thing, it becomes even more of a deadly potion.''

    Lathan has stressed over the situation in the past, "but I don't think I'd have that feeling if I fell in love with a white man now. I wouldn't care what other people think. I love this movie because it's not saying you should be in an interracial relationship; it's saying you've got to be open and follow your heart.''

    That's what timpanist Elayne Jones did in 1953, when she married George Kaufman. He was a young New York doctor whose Orthodox Jewish parents sat shivah -- the traditional seven-day mourning ritual -- when they learned their son was marrying a black woman. For them, he was dead.

    "This gorgeous Jewish man in love with me? I couldn't believe it,'' says Jones, a Harlem-born Julliard graduate who was the first black musician to play with the New York Philharmonic and who retired from the San Francisco Opera orchestra in 1998.

    Jones was playing drums in a little swing band at a progressive Adirondacks resort in the summer of '52 when she locked eyes with a dark-haired man in the crowd. As luck had it, another guest played drums and sat in so Jones could slip onto the open-air dance floor.

    "I met George and we started dancing,'' recalls Jones, a small, lively 78-year-old who has a nifty two-tone hairdo -- blond top, copper-brown sides -- and does Yiddish and Caribbean accents with equal aplomb. She's sipping coffee in her Rossmoor retirement condo in Walnut Creek, picturing that distant August night. "It was such a beautiful place, and the moon was so beautiful. Everything was just perfect. Oh, it was very romantic.''

    The couple married five months later and made a rich life for themselves and their three kids in St. Albans, a racially mixed section of Queens. They were close with other interracial couples and deeply involved in progressive politics. The late Kaufman, to whom Jones was married for 10 years, became a leader of the Congress of Racial Equality (CORE), attended to beat-up civil rights workers in the South and organized a demonstration that got more black people hired at the 1964 World's Fair.

    Jones played with the New York City Opera, and in the American Symphony under Leopold Stokowski. A picture of her and the maestro hangs on her living room wall, along with a signed photo of her old tennis partner Luciano Pavarotti; images of Duke Ellington and Paul Robeson; and lovely portraits of Jones with her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren -- a cross-cultural clan of many shades. Her fair-haired, blue-eyed granddaughter Hyacinth is married to a man from Mexico. Jones moved back from New York last year to be close to her brood.

    She never met her in-laws. But her parents, immigrants from Barbados, embraced her marriage to Dr. K.

    "They never instilled in me this thing about color,'' says Jones, whose mother wanted to be a pianist but worked as a domestic. "There were no black (classical) pianists back in the '20s,'' she says. "No Andre Watts. She always said to me, 'I don't want you to clean white people's floors. You're going to do something respectable.' ''

    As a teenager, Jones occasionally dated black men, but at the time, "I was not considered pretty by black standards,'' she says. "I was dark-skinned, had thick lips, my hair was kinky. To be attractive in the black community, you had to look like Lena Horne.'' She was rejected by one kid whose mother said she wasn't pretty enough. "Those things really made me focus on my music. And through my music I met George. He was attracted to my music.''

Page 1 of 4 123 ... LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •