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Thread: Battered men

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    Battered men


    Deputy head of Fathers Inc, Solomon McCalla (left) and Dave Noel Williams, senior policy analyst and male desk representative at the Bureau of Women’s Affairs, at yesterday’s Observer Monday Exchange meeting of reporters and editors at the newspaper’s Beechwood Avenue head office in Kingston. (Photo: Naphtali Junior

    Battered men

    Many men being beaten by women but are afraid to tell

    BY NADINE WILSON Observer staff reporter wilsonn@jamaicaobserver.com

    Tuesday, February 16, 2010

    WHILE there is no empirical data indicating the exact levels of domestic abuse meted out to Jamaican men by women, two male gender experts say the issue is something that needs some serious attention, especially as some men are hurting in their relationships.

    "It is very difficult to get statistical evidence on the issue," deputy head of Fathers Inc Solomon McCalla told editors and reporters at the Observer's weekly Monday Exchange meeting yesterday. "The men will not come forward and say that they are being physically abused."



    Senior policy analyst and male desk representative at the Bureau of Women's Affairs Dave Noel Williams, said the abuse of men by women is far more widespread than thought. He said he had counselled about 10 men, ranging from age 23 to their 40s over a nine-month period last year, who had been abused by women.

    "What they will tell you is that the women beat up on them, but then they come back now to justify and say, 'a me do it first', or 'a me say something that she never like', or 'a me tell her that she couldn't go somewhere'," said Williams, while pointing out that most men do this because they want to give the impression that they are still in control.

    He pointed out that most men prefer that their story remains a secret, because for the most part being abused by a woman is considered a "shame" or a "sin" in Jamaica.

    "It is taboo, so men will not go forward and say that they are being abused," he stressed. "If it should be written any at all in the paper or even be on the news that a man has been abused and he comes forward for help, then he is going to be seen as a wimp, to put it nicely, and that's very, very nicely."

    Added to the reluctance of some men to come forward, Williams said the treatment of these men by some police officers is also another concern.

    "I have had clients who have said to me that they have gone to the police station, and I went with one of them too to report violence against them, and the female corporal just said to the man that him must go home, because him a man," Williams shared.

    He believes that it is this callous disregard by persons within the society and police officers that has forced men to go into hiding instead of admitting that they need help.

    "I would say a lot of men are suffering, but they are suffering underneath because they can't come out and talk about it," he said.

    Apart from the physical abuse, Solomon sought to point out that a number of men are being verbally and mentally abused by women who tend to be domineering. This, too, he believes, has an impact on men.

    When asked what would cause a man to remain in an abusive relationship, Williams said that most do so out of love for the woman or for the sake of the children. But he believes that staying in such a relationship for whatever reason is never a good idea.

    "I seldomly tell people to walk out of relationships," he said. However, he was clear that, "once you start to hit each other, please walk out of it".

    Williams lamented the fact that issues affecting men are not given prominence, but said that this was something the male desk at the Bureau of Women's Affairs -- which was launched in April last year -- was trying to address.

    "We need more data, empirical evidence on men and men's issues, we are not having it," he said. "Because gender (and) the whole thing about masculinity and men's issue -- it's not something that was being looked at a lot, it was just about women."

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    Nuff ppl soon revert to Islam.

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    Registered User Inquistive is offline
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    And if he defends himself from the woman, he becomes a puss.


    There is nothing us men can do.

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    Yes there is something u can do, do not let a b!tch put her hands on u. Verbal abuse is another issue that needs to be dealt with because of the fact that most women cannot hurt a man with their tiny fist, they can try to do so with their mouth.

    The laws needs to change, n more rights and attention needs to be discussed. Long gone are the days when men are suppose to be doing this n that when women nowadays are taking out jobs away from us, earning more money and damn well abusing men n getting away with it scott free. Its not right, its wrong and men really need to stand up n do something. Stop being afraid of these women, i know its easier said than done, because many of us fear imprisonment, if u deh ah yard, just hire a hit man to break her fuking legs in an ally. U go be aright.

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    Players Play I Coach Swollen's Avatar Swollen is offline
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    Dem Jamaicans ain't gonna come here and say nothing, they gon stay away and leh they women beat them up.

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    This is bigger than a Jamaican issue, this is a men's rights issue

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    Plays Harder cassette_craig's Avatar cassette_craig is offline
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    battered man here
    joie de vivre

    carpe diem

    I can tell you a story bout my dyck but
    it would be way too long

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    I can only be me.... MadamStatuesque's Avatar MadamStatuesque is offline
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bago20 View Post
    Yes there is something u can do, do not let a b!tch put her hands on u. Verbal abuse is another issue that needs to be dealt with because of the fact that most women cannot hurt a man with their tiny fist, they can try to do so with their mouth.

    The laws needs to change, n more rights and attention needs to be discussed. Long gone are the days when men are suppose to be doing this n that when women nowadays are taking out jobs away from us, earning more money and damn well abusing men n getting away with it scott free. Its not right, its wrong and men really need to stand up n do something. Stop being afraid of these women, i know its easier said than done, because many of us fear imprisonment, if u deh ah yard, just hire a hit man to break her fuking legs in an ally. U go be aright.
    a) we are so called "taking" jobs from you because many of us go to school (college/university/etc.), complete it, and want better for ourselves. call on your fellow Black man and ask why many of them aren't finishing school, having 1,2,3,4,5,6 children and not taking care of them, ending up in jail, etc. (don't deflect and point out our flaws because I already know we have them. I'm saying to acknowledge the flaws of your fellow Black man and call them out on that).

    b) we make more than you because of a. a lot of us don't play the woe is me crap and bust our asses to do better because we know we will have to due to the fact that we are Black women (who generally have it harder in the workplace and in society as a whole anyway.)

    c) we do as much to u as u let us and vice versa. any woman that hits a man and thinks it ok is dead wrong and any man that's hits a woman (or suggests violence against a woman in your case) is dead wrong.

    You are right, more needs to be done and domestic violence is real on both sides (male and female) and any form of it is not ok, at all.

    Also, I don't know if you do this on purpose but you come off like you have a serious chip on your shoulder. You say you're just expressing your opinion yet it always seems like you have a vendetta against Black women. You're so quick to call us b!tch and hoe, and quick to call any man that defends us a "mangina", and then wonder why no one really values your opinion here? You can get your opinion across WITHOUT disrespecting Black women.


    Now in regards to the article, it's a sad situation really. Many men will not speak out due to fear of being ridiculed by the public in general. And this problem isn't just in Jamaica alone. Good for them for speaking out.

    ETA: Notice I didn't cuss so I would appreciate it if you do the same because you like to do that a lil too much.
    Last edited by MadamStatuesque; 02-16-2010 at 12:02 PM.
    Not a single ounce of fock shall be given today...

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    Registered User Minxy is offline
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    Quote Originally Posted by GroovyLittleThing View Post
    a) we are so called "taking" jobs from you because many of us go to school (college/university/etc.), complete it, and want better for ourselves. call on your fellow Black man and ask why many of them aren't finishing school, having 1,2,3,4,5,6 children and not taking care of them, ending up in jail, etc. (don't deflect and point out our flaws because I already know we have them. I'm saying to acknowledge the flaws of your fellow Black man and call them out on that).

    b) we make more than you because of a. a lot of us don't play the woe is me crap and bust our asses to do better because we know we will have to due to the fact that we are Black women (who generally have it harder in the workplace and in society as a whole anyway.)

    c) we do as much to u as u let us and vice versa. any woman that hits a man and thinks it ok is dead wrong and any man that's hits a woman (or suggests violence against a woman in your case) is dead wrong.

    You are right, more needs to be done and domestic violence is real on both sides (male and female) and any form of it is not ok, at all.

    Now in regards to the article, it's a sad situation really. Many men will not speak out due to fear of being ridiculed by the public in general. And this problem isn't just in Jamaica alone. Good for them for speaking out.

    ETA: Notice I didn't cuss so I would appreciate it if you do the same because you like to do that a lil too much.
    NICE!!

  9. #9
    T-MAKAA
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    Quote Originally Posted by GroovyLittleThing View Post
    a) we are so called "taking" jobs from you because many of us go to school (college/university/etc.), complete it, and want better for ourselves. call on your fellow Black man and ask why many of them aren't finishing school, having 1,2,3,4,5,6 children and not taking care of them, ending up in jail, etc. (don't deflect and point out our flaws because I already know we have them. I'm saying to acknowledge the flaws of your fellow Black man and call them out on that).

    b) we make more than you because of a. a lot of us don't play the woe is me crap and bust our asses to do better because we know we will have to due to the fact that we are Black women (who generally have it harder in the workplace and in society as a whole anyway.)

    c) we do as much to u as u let us and vice versa. any woman that hits a man and thinks it ok is dead wrong and any man that's hits a woman (or suggests violence against a woman in your case) is dead wrong.

    You are right, more needs to be done and domestic violence is real on both sides (male and female) and any form of it is not ok, at all.

    Also, I don't know if you do this on purpose but you come off like you have a serious chip on your shoulder. You say you're just expressing your opinion yet it always seems like you have a vendetta against Black women. You're so quick to call us b!tch and hoe, and quick to call any man that defends us a "mangina", and then wonder why no one really values your opinion here? You can get your opinion across WITHOUT disrespecting Black women.


    Now in regards to the article, it's a sad situation really. Many men will not speak out due to fear of being ridiculed by the public in general. And this problem isn't just in Jamaica alone. Good for them for speaking out.

    ETA: Notice I didn't cuss so I would appreciate it if you do the same because you like to do that a lil too much.
    I disagree with B.

    U cuss more than most female imixers by the way..

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by GroovyLittleThing View Post
    a) we are so called "taking" jobs from you because many of us go to school (college/university/etc.), complete it, and want better for ourselves. call on your fellow Black man and ask why many of them aren't finishing school, having 1,2,3,4,5,6 children and not taking care of them, ending up in jail, etc. (don't deflect and point out our flaws because I already know we have them. I'm saying to acknowledge the flaws of your fellow Black man and call them out on that).

    b) we make more than you because of a. a lot of us don't play the woe is me crap and bust our asses to do better because we know we will have to due to the fact that we are Black women (who generally have it harder in the workplace and in society as a whole anyway.)

    c) we do as much to u as u let us and vice versa. any woman that hits a man and thinks it ok is dead wrong and any man that's hits a woman (or suggests violence against a woman in your case) is dead wrong.

    You are right, more needs to be done and domestic violence is real on both sides (male and female) and any form of it is not ok, at all.

    Also, I don't know if you do this on purpose but you come off like you have a serious chip on your shoulder. You say you're just expressing your opinion yet it always seems like you have a vendetta against Black women. You're so quick to call us b!tch and hoe, and quick to call any man that defends us a "mangina", and then wonder why no one really values your opinion here? You can get your opinion across WITHOUT disrespecting Black women.


    Now in regards to the article, it's a sad situation really. Many men will not speak out due to fear of being ridiculed by the public in general. And this problem isn't just in Jamaica alone. Good for them for speaking out.

    ETA: Notice I didn't cuss so I would appreciate it if you do the same because you like to do that a lil too much.
    First of all, did i write the fuking article? 2nd of all this shit is posted up on a national Jamaican news paper so who de arse has a chip on their shoulder? When i said why let a b!tch put their hands on u, how de arse u know i am referring to a black woman? stop assuming shit. U know nothing about me and i can post anything i damn well please. If u don't like it then don't read my threads, but yet, u rather harass yourself into reading my threads. Again, did i write the article? U coming in with your whole list of more women going to school n shit like that, but how de arse that have to do with men being abused? How de arse this has to do with Black women, when this is clearly a MEN's issue? Stop looking for a fight because u will not win.

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    Who feels it knows it! Georgeflash's Avatar Georgeflash is offline
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    This is not a Jamaica issue. More like Trinidad. Dem Trini woman nuh stap beat dem man.

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    Registered User Minxy is offline
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    Quote Originally Posted by Georgeflash View Post
    This is not a Jamaica issue. More like Trinidad. Dem Trini woman nuh stap beat dem man.
    behave allyuh damn self and ya nah get box

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    I can only be me.... MadamStatuesque's Avatar MadamStatuesque is offline
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    Quote Originally Posted by T-MAKAA View Post
    I disagree with B.

    U cuss more than most female imixers by the way..
    Never said I don't cuss. In a serious discussion, such as this, I don't and if I do, is cuz I got cussed at first. So you making this "point" is pointless. You don't have to agree with B. Either explain why or rock so ---->
    Not a single ounce of fock shall be given today...

  14. #14
    I can only be me.... MadamStatuesque's Avatar MadamStatuesque is offline
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bago20 View Post
    First of all, did i write the fuking article? 2nd of all this shit is posted up on a national Jamaican news paper so who de arse has a chip on their shoulder? When i said why let a b!tch put their hands on u, how de arse u know i am referring to a black woman? stop assuming shit. U know nothing about me and i can post anything i damn well please. If u don't like it then don't read my threads, but yet, u rather harass yourself into reading my threads. Again, did i write the article? U coming in with your whole list of more women going to school n shit like that, but how de arse that have to do with men being abused? How de arse this has to do with Black women, when this is clearly a MEN's issue? Stop looking for a fight because u will not win.
    You're the one that said we are taking ur jobs so why you backtracking now?
    Quote Originally Posted by Bago20
    Yes there is something u can do, do not let a b!tch put her hands on u. Verbal abuse is another issue that needs to be dealt with because of the fact that most women cannot hurt a man with their tiny fist, they can try to do so with their mouth.

    The laws needs to change, n more rights and attention needs to be discussed. Long gone are the days when men are suppose to be doing this n that when women nowadays are taking out jobs away from us, earning more money and damn well abusing men n getting away with it scott free.Stop being afraid of these women, i know its easier said than done, because many of us fear imprisonment, if u deh ah yard, just hire a hit man to break her fuking legs in an ally. U go be aright.
    Was someone else typing for you? Did you not say this? Clearly I can't speak about any other women but Black women. And you always busy calling us out, so I know is us you referring to. Stop fronting.

    I don't care to know sh!t about u because IF YOU ARE ANYTHING close to the b.s. u post here, it would be a serious waste of time. I harassed myself into posting? U made a thread, i gave my 2 cents and now u b1tching because I don't agree with your stance? you're right, you can post anything you want, no matter how idiotic you comes across. anyway, i'm not looking for a fight and a victory against you is no victory AT ALL.

    My point done make so anything you say after this (because I know you will
    b1tch and moan) is quite pointless.
    Not a single ounce of fock shall be given today...

  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by GroovyLittleThing View Post
    You're the one that said we are taking ur jobs so why you backtracking now?


    Right i said that but did i mentioned anything regarding black women, or am i talking about women in general, is your twisted way of thinking assumed i am speaking about black women which u are WRONG.
    Was someone else typing for you? Did you not say this? Clearly I can't speak about any other women but Black women. And you always busy calling us out, so I know is us you referring to. Stop fronting.

    I don't care to know sh!t about u because IF YOU ARE ANYTHING close to the b.s. u post here, it would be a serious waste of time. I harassed myself into posting? U made a thread, i gave my 2 cents and now u b1tching because I don't agree with your stance? you're right, you can post anything you want, no matter how idiotic you comes across. anyway, i'm not looking for a fight and a victory against you is no victory AT ALL.

    My point done make so anything you say after this (because I know you will
    b1tch and moan) is quite pointless.
    TheN Fuk off. U Making this a black women vs black man issue when anyone with a brain can clearly see that this thread is not aim at that. It is talking about the abuse of women towards men. So where on earth does this thread have anything to do with black women and black men? This is more of a human rights issue, so please stop your B.S. about i always calling the shit out because someone needs to do it, we have so much pu$$y b!tch mamas manginas running around the damn place not saying a damn thing n hard working would not tolerate fukry black man suppose to just move with the flow? No, so u have a damn chip on your shoulders when u clearly do not have any type of comprehension skills to differentiate the discussion in regards to abusive women vs black men black women issues. Since when did this thread and the discussion about abusive women became a black woman issue? Please, U are looking for a fight because your LOGIC of even responding in this thread has nothing to do with the crap that has came out of your mouth.

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