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Thread: Baaaawwwwhhhhhhhhh!!!!

  1. #1
    Sir Lixx-A-Lot Quest's Avatar Quest is offline
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    Baaaawwwwhhhhhhhhh!!!!

    Voodoo Penis

    A business man was getting ready to go on a long
    business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy sex drive, so he thought he'd buy her a little something to keep her occupied while he was
    gone. He went to a store that sold sex toys and started
    looking around. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation.


    The old man said, "Well, We have vibrating dildos,
    special attachments, and

    so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her
    occupied except---"
    and he stopped.

    "Except what?" the man asked.

    "Nothing, nothing."


    "C'mon, tell me! I need something!"


    "Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is
    The Voodoo Penis."

    "So what's up with this Voodoo Penis?" he asked.

    The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out a
    very old wooden box, carved with strange symbols and erotic images. He opened it, and there lay an ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said "Big damn deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!"

    The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do
    yet." He pointed to a door and said, "Voodoo Penis, the door."

    The Voodoo Penis miraculously rose out of its box, darted
    over to the door, and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with the vibrations, so much so that a crack began to form down the middle.

    Before the door split, the old man said "Voodoo Penis,
    return to box!"

    The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back to the box and
    lay there quiet once more.

    "I'll take it!" said the ! businessman.

    The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a
    special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo Penis, my crotch."

    After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably
    horny and remembered the Voodoo Penis. She undressed, opened the box and said, "Voodoo Penis, my crotch!" The Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch and started pumping.

    It was absolutely incredible, like nothing she'd ever
    experienced before. After three mind-shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her
    husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off.

    Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if they
    could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road.

    A police officer saw this and immediately pulled herover.
    He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.

    Gasping and twitching, she explained, "I haven't had
    anything to drink, officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me!"

    The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and in an arrogant voice replied,

    "Yeah, right... Voodoo Penis, my ass."

    The rest is history.

  2. #2
    DJ Trixx
    Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by Quest
    Voodoo Penis

    A business man was getting ready to go on a long
    business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy sex drive, so he thought he'd buy her a little something to keep her occupied while he was
    gone. He went to a store that sold sex toys and started
    looking around. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation.


    The old man said, "Well, We have vibrating dildos,
    special attachments, and

    so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her
    occupied except---"
    and he stopped.

    "Except what?" the man asked.

    "Nothing, nothing."


    "C'mon, tell me! I need something!"


    "Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is
    The Voodoo Penis."

    "So what's up with this Voodoo Penis?" he asked.

    The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out a
    very old wooden box, carved with strange symbols and erotic images. He opened it, and there lay an ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said "Big damn deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!"

    The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do
    yet." He pointed to a door and said, "Voodoo Penis, the door."

    The Voodoo Penis miraculously rose out of its box, darted
    over to the door, and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with the vibrations, so much so that a crack began to form down the middle.

    Before the door split, the old man said "Voodoo Penis,
    return to box!"

    The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back to the box and
    lay there quiet once more.

    "I'll take it!" said the ! businessman.

    The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a
    special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo Penis, my crotch."

    After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably
    horny and remembered the Voodoo Penis. She undressed, opened the box and said, "Voodoo Penis, my crotch!" The Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch and started pumping.

    It was absolutely incredible, like nothing she'd ever
    experienced before. After three mind-shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her
    husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off.

    Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if they
    could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road.

    A police officer saw this and immediately pulled herover.
    He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.

    Gasping and twitching, she explained, "I haven't had
    anything to drink, officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me!"

    The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and in an arrogant voice replied,

    "Yeah, right... Voodoo Penis, my ass."

    The rest is history.

  3. #3
    TC
    Steuuuupssss! TC is offline
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    Hear it b4 but it still funny!

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