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Thread: 20 Bits of Wisdom From Sages

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    Registered User bungatuffy's Avatar bungatuffy is offline
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    20 Bits of Wisdom From Sages

    1. As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory
    goes, and I can't remember the other two...
    -- Sir Norman Wisdom


    2. One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a
    woman that even a bargain costs money.
    -- Edgar Watson Howe


    3. A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates
    your success!
    -- Doug Larson


    4. A harmful truth is always better then...a useful lie!
    -- Eric Bolton


    5. When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I
    realized that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and
    asked him to forgive me.
    -- Emo Philips



    6. I only go to work on days that don't end in a 'y'.
    -- Robert Paul


    7. We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching
    them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down
    and shut up.
    -- Phyllis Diller


    8. Laughter is the closest distance between two people.
    -- Victor Borge


    9. Start every day with a smile and get it over with.
    -- W.C. Fields


    10. Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
    -- Will Rogers




    11. Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't
    work out, you haven't wasted a whole day.
    -- Mickey Rooney


    12. Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a
    job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with
    children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work or prison.
    -- Tim Allen


    13. If you never want to see a man again, say, 'I love you, I want to
    marry you. I want to have children...' - they leave skid marks.
    -- Rita Rudner


    14. I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it
    happens.
    -- Woody Allen


    15. Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but
    wish we didn't.
    -- Erica Jong



    16. Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out of it alive.
    -- Elbert Hubbard


    17. Always and never are two words you should always remember never
    to use.
    -- Wendell Johnson


    18. In life, its not who you know that's important, it's how your
    wife found out.
    -- Joey Adams


    19. I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my
    wife finds out, she'll kill me.
    -- Henry Youngman


    20. Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control
    are already born?
    -- Benny Hill

  2. #2
    Barcelona FC is life! Alabama_trini's Avatar Alabama_trini is offline
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    Quote Originally Posted by jebratt
    1. As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory
    goes, and I can't remember the other two...
    -- Sir Norman Wisdom


    2. One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a
    woman that even a bargain costs money.
    -- Edgar Watson Howe


    3. A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates
    your success!
    -- Doug Larson


    4. A harmful truth is always better then...a useful lie!
    -- Eric Bolton


    5. When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I
    realized that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and
    asked him to forgive me.
    -- Emo Philips



    6. I only go to work on days that don't end in a 'y'.
    -- Robert Paul


    7. We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching
    them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down
    and shut up.
    -- Phyllis Diller


    8. Laughter is the closest distance between two people.
    -- Victor Borge


    9. Start every day with a smile and get it over with.
    -- W.C. Fields


    10. Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
    -- Will Rogers




    11. Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't
    work out, you haven't wasted a whole day.
    -- Mickey Rooney


    12. Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a
    job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with
    children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work or prison.
    -- Tim Allen


    13. If you never want to see a man again, say, 'I love you, I want to
    marry you. I want to have children...' - they leave skid marks.
    -- Rita Rudner


    14. I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it
    happens.
    -- Woody Allen


    15. Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but
    wish we didn't.
    -- Erica Jong



    16. Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out of it alive.
    -- Elbert Hubbard


    17. Always and never are two words you should always remember never
    to use.
    -- Wendell Johnson


    18. In life, its not who you know that's important, it's how your
    wife found out.
    -- Joey Adams


    19. I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my
    wife finds out, she'll kill me.
    -- Henry Youngman


    20. Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control
    are already born?
    -- Benny Hill


    DEAD!!!

    Except for the last one. That sh!t is for real.
    *Insert cool saying here*

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