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Thread: 2 Funny Jokes

  1. #1
    To know me is to love me tropicalbeauty's Avatar tropicalbeauty is offline
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    2 Funny Jokes

    HUSBAND WANTED!
    >>
    >>
    >> >
    >>
    >>
    >> >Lonely woman, aged 80, decided that it was time to get married.
    >>
    >>
    >> >She put an ad in the local paper that read:
    >>
    >>
    >> >
    >>
    >>
    >> >HUSBAND WANTED!
    >>
    >>
    >> >MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (80's)
    >>
    >>
    >> >MUST NOT BEAT ME
    >>
    >>
    >> >MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME
    >>
    >>
    >> >AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
    >>
    >>
    >> >ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.
    >>
    >>
    >> >
    >>
    >>
    >> >On the next day she heard the doorbell.
    >>
    >>
    >> >
    >>
    >>
    >> >Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired
    >>gentleman
    >>
    >>
    >> >sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs.
    >>
    >>
    >> >
    >>
    >>
    >> >The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you,
    >>are you?
    >>
    >>
    >> >Just look at you....you have no legs!"
    >>
    >>
    >> >
    >>
    >>
    >> >The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"
    >>
    >>
    >> >
    >>
    >>
    >> >She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!"
    >>
    >>
    >> >
    >>
    >>
    >> >Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"
    >>
    >>
    >> >
    >>
    >>
    >> >She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in
    >>bed?"
    >>
    >>
    >> >
    >>
    >>
    >> >With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad
    >>smile and
    >>
    >>
    >> >said:
    >>
    >>
    >> >
    >>
    >>
    >> >"I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

  2. #2
    To know me is to love me tropicalbeauty's Avatar tropicalbeauty is offline
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    A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful
    parrot... There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.

    Why so little," she asked the pet store owner. The owner looked at her and
    said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house
    of Prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."


    The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird any way.
    She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited
    for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and
    said, "New house, new madam." The woman was a bit shocked at the
    implication, but then thought "that's really not so bad."

    When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw and said,
    "New house, new madam, new girls." The girls and the woman were a bit
    offended but then began to laugh about the situation
    considering how and where the parrot had been raised. Moments later, the
    woman's husband Keith
    came home from work. The bird looked at him and said, "Hi,
    Keith!"...........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. #3
    Registered User VictoriaECD's Avatar VictoriaECD is offline
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    Quote Originally Posted by tropicalbeauty
    HUSBAND WANTED!
    >>
    >>
    >> >
    >>
    >>
    >> >Lonely woman, aged 80, decided that it was time to get married.
    >>
    >>
    >> >She put an ad in the local paper that read:
    >>
    >>
    >> >
    >>
    >>
    >> >HUSBAND WANTED!
    >>
    >>
    >> >MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (80's)
    >>
    >>
    >> >MUST NOT BEAT ME
    >>
    >>
    >> >MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME
    >>
    >>
    >> >AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
    >>
    >>
    >> >ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.
    >>
    >>
    >> >
    >>
    >>
    >> >On the next day she heard the doorbell.
    >>
    >>
    >> >
    >>
    >>
    >> >Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired
    >>gentleman
    >>
    >>
    >> >sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs.
    >>
    >>
    >> >
    >>
    >>
    >> >The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you,
    >>are you?
    >>
    >>
    >> >Just look at you....you have no legs!"
    >>
    >>
    >> >
    >>
    >>
    >> >The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"
    >>
    >>
    >> >
    >>
    >>
    >> >She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!"
    >>
    >>
    >> >
    >>
    >>
    >> >Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"
    >>
    >>
    >> >
    >>
    >>
    >> >She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in
    >>bed?"
    >>
    >>
    >> >
    >>
    >>
    >> >With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad
    >>smile and
    >>
    >>
    >> >said:
    >>
    >>
    >> >
    >>
    >>
    >> >"I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
    I like that....let the man go with footless armless self!

  4. #4
    winin' criminal yankee_bajan's Avatar yankee_bajan is offline
    Join Date
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    Quote Originally Posted by tropicalbeauty
    A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful
    parrot... There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.

    Why so little," she asked the pet store owner. The owner looked at her and
    said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house
    of Prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."


    The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird any way.
    She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited
    for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and
    said, "New house, new madam." The woman was a bit shocked at the
    implication, but then thought "that's really not so bad."

    When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw and said,
    "New house, new madam, new girls." The girls and the woman were a bit
    offended but then began to laugh about the situation
    considering how and where the parrot had been raised. Moments later, the
    woman's husband Keith
    came home from work. The bird looked at him and said, "Hi,
    Keith!"
    ...........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    OWNED!!!


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