10 People Yuh Go Find In Every Fete | The SCORCH

Cooler Carla

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines a cooler as ‘a container for keeping food or drinks cool’, NOT ‘a device for women to wine on in a fete’. After you take your time and pack your drinks, chaser and ice for easy access in a fete, Carla – who didn’t even help bring the cooler into the party – quick to go and stand up on it like is ah stool (stooler?). Meanwhile, she expects you to stand up dey sober and sour, until she gets off for a bathroom break. Worse yet, by the end of the night, the cooler top ben up and dutty from she shoes, and you know homegirl eh checking you de next day to help yuh clean it. Steups.
Disappearing Dennis

You came with him and you left with him. That’s pretty much all you can remember of Dennis every time y’all go out together. He didn’t stick around by the cooler, you didn’t see him when you went to the bathroom, he wasn’t by the other side of the stage when you made a pass there. Where he goes no one knows but he somehow manages to show up 10 minutes before the party done, just in time to leave. When you ask “But Dennis, where de ass you was whole night boy?!?!”, he gives his usual vague answer of “All over boy…” which is met by a disapproving and sceptical glare by his ticked-off girlfriend who was coasting whole night.