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Thread: Cheney Jokes

  1. #1
    Cleophus aka pupah lashie elq's Avatar elq is offline
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    Sep 2003

    Cheney Jokes

    LOS ANGELES, California (AP) -- Television talk shows took aim Monday at Vice President Dwck Cheney's accidental weekend shooting in Texas of a hunting companion. Here are a few of the jokes.
    "Late Show with David Letterman," CBS

    # "Good news, ladies and gentlemen, we have finally located weapons of mass destruction: It's Dwck Cheney."

    # "But here is the sad part -- before the trip Donald Rumsfeld had denied the guy's request for body armor."

    # "We can't get Bin Laden, but we nailed a 78-year-old attorney."

    # "The guy who got gunned down, he is a Republican lawyer and a big Republican donor and fortunately the buck shot was deflected by wads of laundered cash. So he's fine. He took a little in the wallet."

    "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno," NBC

    # "Although it is beautiful here in California, the weather back East has been atrocious. There was so much snow in Washington, D.C., Dwck Cheney accidentally shot a fat guy thinking it was a polar bear."

    # "That's the big story over the weekend. ... Dwck Cheney accidentally shot a fellow hunter, a 78-year-old lawyer. In fact, when people found out he shot a lawyer, his popularity is now at 92 percent."

    # "I think Cheney is starting to lose it. After he shot the guy he screamed, 'Anyone else want to call domestic wire tapping illegal?' "

    # "Dwck Cheney is capitalizing on this for Valentine's Day. It's the new Dwck Cheney cologne. It's called Duck!"

    "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart," Comedy Central

    # The show's segment titles included "Cheney's Got a Gun," "No. 2 With a Bullet" and "Dead-Eye Dwck."

    # "Vice President Dwck Cheney accidentally shot a man during a quail hunt ... making 78-year-old Harry Whittington the first person shot by a sitting veep since Alexander Hamilton. Hamilton, of course, (was) shot in a duel with Aaron Burr over issues of honor, integrity and political maneuvering. Whittington? Mistaken for a bird."

    # "Now, this story certainly has its humorous aspects. ... But it also raises a serious issue, one which I feel very strongly about. ... Moms, dads, if you're watching right now, I can't emphasize this enough: Do not let your kids go on hunting trips with the vice president. I don't care what kind of lucrative contracts they're trying to land, or energy regulations they're trying to get lifted -- it's just not worth it."

    "Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson," CBS

    # "He is a lawyer and he got shot in the face. But he's a lawyer, he can use his other face. He'll be all right."

    # "You can understand why this lawyer fellow let his guard down, because if you're out hunting with a politician, you think, 'If I'm going to get it, it's going to be in the back.' "

    # "The big scandal apparently is that they didn't release the news for 18 hours. I don't think that's a scandal at all. I'm quite pleased about that. Finally there's a secret the vice president's office can keep."

    # "Apparently the reason they didn't release the information right away is they said we had to get the facts right. That's never stopped them in the past."

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    Registered User JosephMundo is offline
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