IslandMix

>> >>THE SIX AFFAIRS
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>The First Affair
>> >>A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day,
>> >>their passions overcame them and they took off for her house,
>>where
>> >>they made passionate love all afternoon.
>> >>Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around
>> >>8:00 PM. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to
>>take
>> >>his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt.
>> >>Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes
>>and
>> >>drove home.
>> >>Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered
>>the house.
>> >>"Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my
>> >>secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep
>> >>and>didn't wake up until eight o'clock."
>> >>The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard!
>> >>You've been playing golf!"
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>The Second Affair
>> >>There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful
>> >>teenage daughters. The couple decided to try one last time for
>>the
>> >>son they always wanted.
>> >>After months of trying, the wife finally got pregnant and sure
>> >>enough, delivered a healthy baby boy nine months later. The
>>joyful
>> >>father rushed into the nursery to see his new son. He took one
>>look
>> >>and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen. He
>>
>> >>went to his wife and told her there was no way he could be the
>> >>father of that child.
>> >>"Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!" Then he gave
>>her
>> >>a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?"
>> >>The wife just smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time!"
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>The Third Affair
>> >>A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to
>>examine
>> >>the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or
>>cremated.
>> >>As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be
>> >>cremated, he made an amazing discovery. Schwartz had the longest
>> >>private part he had ever seen!
>> >>"I'm sorry, Mr. Schwartz", said the mortician, "but I can't send
>> >>you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part
>>like
>>
>> >>this.
>> >>It has to be saved for posterity." With that, the coroner used
>>his
>> >>tools to remove the dead man's scaling.
>> >>He stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home The first
>> >>person he showed it to was his wife.
>> >>"I have something to show you that you won't believe," he
>> >>said, and opened up his briefcase.
>> >>"Oh my God!" the wife screamed, "Schwartz is dead!"
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>The Fourth Affair
>> >>A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband
>> >>Opening the front door.
>> >>"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner." Then she quickly
>>rubbed
>> >>baby oil all over him and then dusted him with talcum powder.
>> >>"Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just
>>pretend
>> >>you're a statue." "What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as
>>he
>> >>entered the room.
>> >>"Oh it's a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smith's
>>bought
>> >>one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us
>>too."
>> >>No more was about the statue, not even later when they went to
>> >>sleep. Around two in the morning, the husband got out of bed,
>>went
>> >>to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a
>> >>glass of milk.
>> >>"Here," he said to the statue, "eat something. I stood like an
>> >>idiot at the Smith's for three days and nobody offered me as
>>much
>> >>as a glass of water."
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>The Fifth Affair
>> >>A man walks into a nightclub one night. He goes up to the bar
>>and
>> >>asks for a beer.
>>"Certainly, Sir, that'll be 1 cent."
>> >>"One Cent?", exclaimed the man. So the man glances over at the
>>menu
>> >>and asks, "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with chips,
>>peas
>> >>and a fried egg?"
>> >>"Certainly Sir," replies the barman, "but that comes to
>> >>real money."
>> >>"How much money?" inquires the man. "4 cents," the bartender
>> >>replied.
>> >>"Four Cents?", exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this
>> >>place?"
>> >>The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."
>> >>The man says, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
>> >>The bartender replied, "The same thing as I'm doing to his
>> >>business."
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>The Sixth Affair
>> >>Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a candlelight
>> >>vigil by
>>his side.
>> >>She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face. Her
>> >>praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale
>>lips
>> >>began to move slightly.
>> >>"Becky my darling," he whispered.
>> >>"Hush my love," she said. "Rest, don't talk." He was insistent.
>> >>"Becky," he said in his tired voice, "I have something that I
>>must
>> >>confess."
>> >>"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Becky,
>> >>everything's all right, go to sleep."
>> >>"No, no I must die in peace, Becky I I slept with your sister,
>>your
>> >>best friend, her best friend and your mother!"
>> >>"I know, my sweet one" whispered Becky, "let the poison work."