IslandMix

I thought this was a good article, although I don't agree with #3 & 5. A lot of it makes sense...

1) You pick the wrong person because you expect him/her to change
after you're involved. The classic mistake. Never date potential. The golden rule is, if you can't be happy with the person the way he or she is now, don't get involved. So when it comes to the other person's spirituality, character, hygiene, communication skills, and personal habits, make sure you can live with these as they are now.

2) You pick the wrong person because you focus more on chemistry than
on character. Chemistry ignites the fire but good character keeps it
burning. Beware of the "I'm in love" syndrome. "I'm in love" often translates to "I'm in lust". Attraction is there but have you carefully checked out this person's character? Here are 4 character traits to check for:
· Humility: Does this person believe that "doing the right thing" is more important that personal comfort? Do I want to be like this person? Would I like for my children to be like this person?
· Kindness: Does this person enjoy giving? How does he or she treat other people? Does he or she do volunteer work? Give to charity?
· Responsibility: Can I depend on this person to always do what they say they will do?
· Happiness: Does this person like himself? Does he or she enjoy life? Is he or she emotionally stable?

3) You pick the wrong person because the man doesn't understand what a
woman needs. Men and women have unique emotional needs and more often
than not it is the man who doesn't "get it". The unique need of a woman is to be loved - to feel that she is the most important person in her man's life. The man needs to give her consistent, quality attention.
When the man forgets about his own needs and focuses on giving his wife pleasure, amazing things happen for both of them.

4) You choose the wrong person because you do not share common life
goals and priorities. There are 3 basic ways we connect with people:
chemistry and compatability, common interests, and common life goals. Make sure you share the deeper level of connection...sharing life goals. If you decide to get married, the two of you will either grow together or apart. To avoid growing apart, you must figure out what you are living for while you're single. Find someone who has the same conclusion as you. This is the same definition of a soul mate. Really a soul mate is a goal mate - 2 people sharing the same understanding of life's purpose and therefore share common priorities, values, and goals.

5) You chose the wrong person because you get sexually involved too
quickly. Sexual involvement before the commitment of marriage can be a
problem. This tends to cloud one's mind. A clouded mind is not inclined to make good decisions. Of all studies done on divorce, sexual
incompatibility is never cited as a main factor. It is not necessary to take a test drive in order to find out if a couple is sexually compatible. If you do your homework and make sure you are intellectually and emotionally compatible, you don't have to worry about sexual incompatibility.

6) You pick the wrong person because you do not have a deep emotional
connection with this person. To evaluate whether you have a deep
emotional connection with this person ask yourself: "Do I respect and admire this person?" This does not mean "am I impressed" with this person. We are impressed by fancy cars but it does not mean we respect someone that owns one. You should be impressed by qualities of creativity, determination, loyalty etc. Ask yourself, "Do I trust this person"? This also means is he or she emotionally stable? Are they totally reliable?

7) You pick the wrong person because you choose someone with whom you
do not feel emotionally safe. As yourself the following: Do I feel calm, peaceful and relaxed with this person? Does this person make me feel good about myself? Can I fully express myself with this person? Do you have friends that make you feel that way? Well make sure your mate makes you feel that way. Are you afraid of this person in any way? You should not feel you have to monitor what you say because you are afraid of how the other person will view it or react to it. If you are afraid to express your feeling and views openly, there's a problem with that relationship. Be on the lookout for people who try to change you. Controlling behaviors are a sign of an abusive person. There is a big difference between making suggestions and controlling. A suggestion is made for your benefit...controlling statements are made for their benefit.

8) You pick the wrong person because you don't have everything on the
table. Anything that bothers you about the relationship must be
brought up for discussion. Bringing up uncomfortable stuff is the only way to evaluate how well the two of you communicate, negotiate, and work together. Over the course of a relationship, difficulties will inevitably arise. You need to know now before making the commitment: Can you resolve your differences and find compromises that work for everyone? Never be afraid to tell the other person what bothers you. This is also a way to test how vulnerable you can be with this person. If you can't be vulnerable, you can't be intimate. The two go hand in hand.

9) You pick the wrong person because you are looking for a way to
escape from your own personal issues, problems, and unhappiness. If you are unhappy and single, you'll probably unhappy and in a relationship. A relationship does not fix personal, psychological, or emotional problems. If anything, it will exacerbate them. If you are not happy with yourself and your own life, take responsibility to fix it now while you are single. You will be much happier and your future partner will thank you.

10) You pick the wrong person because he or she is involved in a
triangle. To be "triangulated" means a person is emotionally dependent on someone or something else while trying to develop another relationship. A person who hasn't separated from his or her parents is the classic example. People can also be triangulated with things such as work, sports, drugs, the internet, money, hobbies, etc. Be careful that you and your partner are free of triangles. The person caught in a triangle can not be fully emotionally available to his or her spouse. You will not be their number one. And that's no basis for a relationship. “Many tears that are in the heart never reach the eye".



[font color = blue][font size = 4] [b] "Nuh cup nuh bruk, nuh coffee nuh dash wey." [/font]
- Jamaican proverb

interesting tidbits of info there topclass

"NU VYBES - De People's Sugah"

Very interesting article but I picked the wrong person once and didn't see the reason listed.

how about broke pocket and bad breathe :o

ARE YOU READY FOR DE XPLOJUN
"Rusty & Double Xplojun"

It must have more reasons than that

I don't think the article was saying that there are only 10 ways to be with the wrong person. I think it was more going for the longevity angle...i.e. if you have all of these things correct, then you're on your way to making a great relationship.

[font color = blue][font size = 4] [b] "Nuh cup nuh bruk, nuh coffee nuh dash wey." [/font]
- Jamaican proverb