IslandMix

but everytime i turn around he always giving money for this or dat STEUPS The relationship with him and his ex was over 4 years ago yet still the child always calling wanting something and he like some blasted imp gets it. He tells me everything everytime but STILL it pisses me off cus I feel the mom is behind all this.

Maybe he shouldnt tell me but then dats like keeping secrets. I either piss or get off the focking pot cus if i cant handle this sh!t now it aint going to stop. He loves that lil girl too much (which i understand i'm not a mean person) but FUDGE enuff is enuff. It's been a yr now we living 2gether and we're in the midst of plannin our wedding for next year and i cant even get pass this sh!t so thats a big ass sign.

I'm so f@cking pissed i have a headache

tell him how you feel

I doh know what to tell yuh sistrin.. but I will say this... women complain about men not taking on responsibility and being a father and here is this man doing that when he does not have to and providing a child that might otherwise grow up without one with a father. And this out of unconditional love. I cyah vex wid dat.

I have and he basically said what Fiyah said, how can i argue with that but it still pisses me off.

Maybe i'm mad at the mom cus if i had a child i woudnt have my child asking for stuff from my ex, if i cant provide it then you will have to do without until i can get it. I think the moms knows he is a nice guy and he loves the lil girl so she purposely allows the begging.

@Fiyah you're rite but it just seems like it will never stop.

i understand what Fiyah say, that shows he's a man with a very giving heart.
but at the same time i can understand where you can be a little annoyed with the situation-after all as you say it's not his kid and it is a past relationship. I can understand him giving for special occasions etc

the woman ent have ah man?

Fiyah you see how you cant win with women?

CQ - how long was he in this childs life? how old is the child?

she does, and i asked him why he cant help she out but he said that is none of his business he only care about the lil girl.

I'm not trying to win this battle cus the way it looking i aint gonna win lol

He came into his ex life when the lil girl was 2, and he was there for a while. He is very attached to the girl but I'm not saying he cant do for her it just seems like its something all the time. He had even asked me if i would mind if we took her to the movies i didnt object to that even though i really wasnt OK with it but i am tryin to understand BUT the mom said no she didnt want her to go. YET still she tekkin the money for stuff

Why werent you okay with it? If he has played a daddy role all this time don't you think its a bit unfair to both the child and him that he be asked to change it now?

If he could just walk away from her like 'whatever' wouldn't you look at him strangely? If he could just forget about her after claiming to love her for so long?

Is it the ex calling him that bothers you? Are you afraid that they may get back together? Not being antagonistic, just trying to make some sense out of it...please don't take offense.

No offense taken. I dont feel he should walk away completely just dont be too involved. It just seems like every month its something and she is getting older so when exactly will it ever slow up.

I'm not afraid of them getting back together but, i do feel the ex knows he would do anything for her daugher and she takes advantage of it. For e.g some dollar car driver drove off when the lil girl was gettin out the car still and the door swung and hit her on her arm, she did nothing for 2 days until girl told him her hands was swollen and blue. He took her to the hospital, ended up paying the bill cus the mom have no INS. She is just careless and she knows he would pick up the slack so thats what i mean, she takes advantage of his kindness. Then he had to call her up to yell at her so he is still involved some way or the other. I feel terrible if i say something BUT truely its very annoying. I know he is showing concern but she have sisters and brothers that can look in on the girl too stueps.

Last labor day she wanted to play in d camo section she had the girl out there too, when we saw them he was so pissed. He was yelling at her again so its always something about the lil girl. Yes she is a young mother and will continue to do silly things so wha? every time she screw up with the lil girl he have to be there? Nah its just seems never ending. I dont want him to turn his back but just not be so involved. My suggestion is to call every so often to make sure she is healthy, if she needs anything fine get that.

It all boils down to me, do i want to continued being angry EVERY time its something with the lil girl or move on. We're in the process of plannin a weddin in the islands a big part of me knows he will come eventually to ask if she(d girl) can be in it.
Ah waiting *taps foot* lol being the softee that i am watch i cant say no. Sorry about dis long ass response
but ah hope u can see my end of it. I dont want bad for the girl but we have our lives to plan, he have to move on.

wow, I agree with what Fiyah says. It's hard to get a man to take care of his own child much less take care of a child who's not his. That right there shows a lot about your man. However, he needs to sit the ex down and let her know that she has to ease up on the phone calls. I'm not saying he should give up on the child, but ease up on the calls. I'm sure it's the ex who's encouraging the child to call him. It wouldn't be fair to the child and your ex for him to stop being there for her, because in a way you can say she's the only father figure she's known since 2.
Your man has to let his ex know that he's moved on with his life and he would appreciate it if she respects what you all have and try to handle some of the situations herself.

I wish you the best girlie, but try not to take it on too much. Let him know how you feel. Even if the three of you have to sit and talk it out like three adults, sit and come to some kind of agreement. It's obvious he's not going to turn his back on them, well the child. So if you can't beat em, join em girlie.

Thanks Val3nie, he is a great guy (thats why im marrying him lol)but it really bothers me so we do have to come to an agreement regarding the lil girl.

Knowing how vindictive some women can be it seems to me that the child's mother IS taking advantage of the fact that he has a heart and is willing to be a father figure in this child's life even though they are not together anymore. You need to really drive the point home to your other half that he needs to set limits as far as she and her child is concerned. Understandably, you do not expect him to just walk away from the child, but at the same time, you two are about to start a life together and the fact of the matter is, the child is biologically and legally not his responsibility.

Maybe he can give the child an allowance or something every month, but make it clear to the mother that that is all he afford. What happens when you two decide to have children of your own? It wouldn't be fair to take from yours to give to another mans now would it?

I dated someone who was like that with my son after we broke up. He was up front with his girlfriends about how his relationship with my son. He was like an "uncle/big brother/ father-like figure him. I would never compromise their relationship.
There was nothing going on with him & I after we broke up, we remained friends. I see him as an asset to my son.
I don't think you should be threatend by this.
Your man is being honest and truthful with you, be glad for small mercies.
He's coming home to you.. he is marrying you.. You should see his commitment and dedication to this child as a sign of how he will be with your children..
Sounds like a good guy to me.. but I'm sure you know this.
Most men just spread their seed and move on..

I see what you are sayinf but, you should consider yourself very lucky to be involved with a man with such a sense of responsibility...it have too many others out there not doing anything.