she says she "knows in her heart" that heaven and hell are real places and she wants to be on the road to heaven.

she says she doesnt want to be afriad of discussing "god" with people, because it says not to be secretive or ashamed of this in the bible.


she thinks i worry too much and think too much about hell. she says she focuses more on the positive side of christianity?

she says if I am so worried about it, maybe I think it might be the truth and maybe I should consider believing in jesus

she says "it is a matter of faith"

I ask her how one can have faith in a god that thinks torturing people is ok.

she says that hell might not seem fair to us, but that doesnt mean its not the way things are.

she used the analogy of a jail (which of course, I disagree with, but I didnt go into that with her. a lot of people use bad analogies when discussing religion)

she said u might not like that u go to jail if u break the rules, but you still will, or should...

i told her about my hell dream (I posted about it below)

she didnt seem that struck by the attrocity and utter horrible ness of my dream. she seemed more concerned for me, and said "well u should make sure u dont end up there, maybe it was a message from god..."

I told her that dreams manifest things that are on our minds a lot, she knows of my mental state, and I reminded her that hell alludes to an inescapable situation in dreams, and I worry that I am going to hell....

her attitude seems to be that hell is just the way things are, and thats it...

she kept on saying "its a chhoice, its a choice"

and that "in the end every man will have to face up for the decisions they have made"

i still think god shouldnt make it possible for his creations to be eternally tormented.

i dont see why men have to face up to their decisions or whatever

I think men are dumb and poathetic and hopeless enough as it is, and I dont see why god has to be such a harsh ass hole

but she, like most christians, is FANTASTIC at getting me to second guess myself. after tlaking to her, I almost find myself thinking "well maybe it IS fair, maybe if he warned us and we didnt listen, shoot, then the consequences are hell!"

but more often my thought pattern is

"dear sweet god, can this really be real? are some fools REALLY gonna be burning fFOREVER? dear holy sweet mother of jesus, how can this be, this is not right,m this is not right, why is this possible, holy crap, why am I here, why is this happening, holy crap!"


and then I remember that hell isnt really that much of a suprize

I mean shit, we have wars, homicide, torture, disease, death, and misery allready... why should hell be a suprize or shock

screw it... why not?

I mean damn

why not have a hell

nothing in this bloody existance shows that our creator is some all loving nice guy

things are waaay to screwed up and wrong!

what can I say to her?

I already have this in mind

I am gonna tell her that she is telling me that "if I screw up, then its ok for me to be burning for all time"

that is what she is telling me

this girl used to go on long walks with me and start kissing me when it rained, we used to cook food for each other and talk about everything and nothing, we used to hold each other and make love at all hours of the day or night and whisper sweet things to each other

but its ok with her if I am in hell? or its ok with hte god she worships if I am in hell?

I dont even get "worship"

who invented the idea of worship?

I will worship my lover... thats as far as I go

worship was invented for the freaking idea of god right? what a blasted concept.

and what a waste of time!!!

not to mention the hunger, disease and violence and corruption we have to face (or ignore) every day... but then there is the freaking notion that IF WE DONT SPREAD THE GOSPEL AND CONVERT THE "LOST" , THEY WILL BE BURNING FOR ALL TIME

I dont know what to say to her

I really dont.

I even told her about the muslim video I posted (in this forum) and how pathetic it was to hear two brilliant poets and musicians chanting to this god whome they worship not to burn them for all eternity....


Maybe I should put it to her like this

what if I was the christian and she was the agnostic

boy if god thinks its ok to burn one hair on her head, we have serious problems.. its NOT cool!!!!

arg